


i wanna be yours

by sofarsoperfect



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Period Drama, Ambiguous time setting, Coming Inside, Explicit Depictions of Mpreg, Explicit Sexual Content, Hand Jobs, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Oral Sex, Period Drama Typical Angst, Vaginal Sex, Victorian-Era Typical Religious Standpoints, important warnings in author's note, past Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, please read author's note before reading, side Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25136398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofarsoperfect/pseuds/sofarsoperfect
Summary: Renjun feels safe and warm out here, with Johnny. Johnny doesn’t push to ask for more, tells him the truth of his struggles and Renjun appreciates that. He’s only known Johnny for a short while but he trusts him.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 23
Kudos: 212





	1. secrets i have held in my heart

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome. many of my returning readers probably know that my long notes are usually at the end but this time, i have a few warnings i feel it is my duty as a writer to tell you before you get into this fic:
> 
> this fic contains graphic depictions of female genitalia on an otherwise male presenting body that which i describe as “male presenting omega,” as well as graphic sexual content of said character. i, as a cis gender woman, admittedly do not know whether or not this could be triggering for people who are intersex or trans so if you feel as though it will be or even might be triggering for you, i strongly suggest not reading further. please heed my warnings, i do this for the mental health and safety of my readers. 
> 
> furthermore, i will be posting warnings in the beginning notes of the future chapters as well (as i see fit) so please keep a look out for all those author’s notes as well. thank you for your understanding.
> 
> quick shout out and thank you to [sarahatthecrisco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahatthecrisco), my wonderful sister and beta for reading this when i was too anxious to. she’s the real mvp.
> 
> *beta’d

The countryside is beautiful, Renjun thinks as it passes by. It’s been a while since he’s left it, the very idea of moving into the city making his insides erupt into butterflies. He’s going to miss the rolling hills, the days lounging around the estate, time to himself. Kun has told him he shouldn’t want for anything and his own estate has pretty decent property but it just won’t be the same. He already misses it, the hours spent lying in the sun without care, without worry. 

Now he has nothing but worry. 

“You seem unsettled,” Kun says, not at all unkindly where he’s sitting next to Renjun in the carriage. Renjun turns to him with a small, close lipped smile. Kun reaches out to rest a hand on his knee. “What’s wrong, cousin?” 

“I just don’t know that this is a good idea,” Renjun says, and it’s been a concern he’s had for a long time now. The very idea of leaving the countryside and going into town had been plaguing him since long before Kun suggested it. 

“I’m certain it is,” Kun assures him. “You’ve spent years locked away in that estate, and Auntie and Uncle, bless their souls, weren’t doing the best thing for you. They were doing the best thing for themselves.” Renjun offers his cousin a nervous smile. “This will be good for you. The town is beautiful, sprawling, lots of places to walk, to see, to be seen,” he says with a knowing smile, making Renjun blush softly. “It’s a new beginning for you. You’re a young man now and your future is very bright. And don’t feel as though you have to hide in my home, you can do whatever you want. Pursue schooling, apprenticeship, the world is yours.” 

“That’s a very ambitious thought,” Renjun tells him, sounding uncertain. Kun smiles back. “I’ll give it thought. For the time being, I think I’d rather just blend in. Putting myself out there might be a mistake. I’m certain the town is already talking about my arrival.” 

“The town is always talking about something,” Kun points out. “Those bitties don’t know how to do anything but,” he says and Renjun laughs gently. “Feel free to spend your time as you wish. I brought you into my home because I can, because I know I can take care of you. And pay no mind to those gossips, they wish only to start things.” 

“And what to do when the gossip is correct?” Renjun asks because he must know. “Kun, we can’t hide this forever. People are sure to take note of me.” 

“We cross that bridge when we come across it,” Kun says. He sounds very decisive and moving in with his cousin truly might be the best thing that’s ever happened to Renjun. 

They show up to town past sunset and Renjun rests a hand on his face, fingers pressed to his lips. It’s a beautiful town, Kun was correct, long winding, cobblestone streets, shopping stalls and shops lining the streets. There are still kids running around, the sun not quite gone all the way, jumping around in the dying light. 

A tall gentleman standing outside a tavern catches Renjun’s eye, reaching out to stop a group of children from running into the road. He crouches then and Renjun sees him straighten the jacket on one of the boys before the carriage passes by. The main square trickles out into neighborhoods, houses stacked one on top of another into cottages, business out by the river. Kun’s estate looms ahead of them, a modest three stories with the lower level acting as his office. 

“Home, sweet home,” Kun says as the carriage comes to a stop, and Renjun gives him a hesitant smile. 

Chenle is already running out of the house to meet them when the carriage comes to a stop, Renjun jumping out to hug his cousin. It’s been so long since he’s seen his younger cousin, he’s grown into quite the young man, just a year younger than Renjun and yet sprouted to be a head taller. Renjun huffs at him before pulling him into a hug again. 

“When did you get so much bigger than I?” Renjun asks, Chenle’s characteristic high-pitched laughter sounding off in his ear. Renjun squeezes him once more before letting go, the two of them helping Kun as well as the carriage man with his cases. 

For all the life that Renjun has lived in the countryside estate, they all only carry a single case, stacking right up in the front room of Kun’s home. Kun pays the carriage man before he departs, shutting the door behind them. 

“You must be starved,” Kun says, reaching over to rest a hand on his younger cousin’s shoulder. “Let’s get dinner started.” 

Dinner is a simple affair but Kun is nothing if not a good cook and Renjun excuses himself quickly after dinner. Chenle insists on showing him to his room, what was once a spare guest room on the third floor having been turned into a room all his own. There’s a bathroom down the hall and Chenle and Kun live on the floor below, the first floor containing Kun’s offices and general living spaces. 

Renjun sets his things down in his room, the luggage stacked in the corner, a clean bed with fresh sheets in front of him, empty chest of drawers and a closet. It’s all very impersonal, making Renjun ache for home but also think of all the things he can do to make it his own. 

There’s a window with a little seat below it on the far wall, the window facing out towards town. It’s not terribly far, across the creek and still glowing dimly. Renjun rests his arms on the sill, his chin on his arms and sighs. 

Everything is so terribly different out here, his old life a few hours away. At least there he didn’t have to hide, didn’t fear that someone would find him out. Here… here, everything is so different. 

He dresses for bed, eyes avoiding the mirror on the vanity and climbs between the clean sheets, snuffing out the oil lamp on his bedside. 

Chenle takes him into town the next day, no surprise. Chenle was, by far, the most excited to hear that Renjun will be moving in with them. Kun comes along because Kun doesn’t trust his younger brother to not get them into some kind of trouble. When Renjun expresses his concern, Kun assures him he’s blocked off this whole week from appointments so he can spend some time with his younger cousin. 

“Would be rather rude of me to be taking patients while you’re still settling in,” Kun tells him and Renjun gives him a tired, but fond, look. “C’mon, then, while the day is still young,” Kun tells him, patting him on the shoulder to get him moving. 

They walk into town, the journey short and full of Chenle’s impossible tales about schooling and his friends, all of whom he insists Renjun must meet. Kun tells him that he should, it would be nice that he make some friends in town and most of Chenle’s friends are even his age. Renjun hums in a non committable way, the two of them regaling him with stories about the town, the people in it. 

“Shall we have lunch at the tavern?” Kun asks Chenle as they’re crossing the bridge, the road turning into cobblestone below their feet. 

“Ooh, let’s!” Chenle calls out, excited. “He should meet the gentlemen there. Oh, Renjun you’ll love them,” Chenle insists, scurrying back to take his cousin’s hands in his, making Renjun laugh. “The men there are lovely and quite the laugh. I’m certain you’ll find them quite fun.” 

“Characters run that tavern, I’m sure you’ll realize,” Kun tells him, winking at him. 

The tavern is in the very center of town, the town square already bustling with activity. Kun takes Renjun’s hand in his when they reach it, maneuvering his way through the activity confidently. Chenle keeps a hold on the back of Renjun’s shirt and Kun pushes their way through the tavern doors, no concern over the groups of people loitering around outside of it. He looks around for just a moment before a voice calls out to them. 

“Kun!” The voice says and Kun walks them up to the end of the bar. 

The voice belongs to a thin man, close in height to Kun with a narrow face, big eyes and long hair tied back in a ponytail, pitch black in color. He gives them a dazzling smile, looking from Kun to Chenle and then focusing on Renjun. “Oh, who is this?” He asks, reaching over the bar to offer a hand. 

“Ah, Yuta, this is my younger cousin Renjun. Renjun, this is Yuta,” Kun tells him and Yuta nods as Renjun shakes his hand firmly. “Yuta works the bar here. Renjun just moved in with me at my estate,” Kun explains shortly and Yuta nods in understanding as he takes his hand back. 

“So this is the younger cousin you’ve done nothing but rave about,” Yuta comments, getting a gentle smack in the arm for his comment. “Welcome to Neo, kid. What do you say you guys grab a table, I’ll get Johnny down to greet you in a moment?” 

“Thank you, Yuta,” Kun tells him, Yuta winking before making his way back across the bar, towel thrown over his shoulder. Kun herds them through the crowded eatery to a table in the back, the three of them sitting down once they manage to clear the busy room. 

“Johnny?” Renjun asks and Chenle giggles, Kun reaching over to swat at him. 

“Johnny’s a lovely man,” Kun says, shaking his head at Chenle. “He owns the tavern. He’s a bit of a goofy guy but he’s lovely.” 

“People love him,” Chenle insists. “The whole town comes to this tavern because of him. He’s so fun and loud,” he says and Renjun nods, eyes scanning the room to see if he can pick out this ‘Johnny’ character.

He avoids eye contact with everyone in the room, even as they come up to the table to chat up Kun and Chenle. Renjun can tell he doesn’t quite fit in, the way everyone in town knows each other, catching up with Kun or poking fun with Chenle while he sits nearby in silence. No one seems to notice anything odd but Renjun caves into himself anyway, hopeful that if he makes himself smaller there’s less of a chance that anyone will take note of him. 

“Kun,” a booming baritone says and Renjun’s head snaps up. Kun gets up to greet the gentleman and Renjun recognizes him as the man he saw out the carriage window just yesterday. “How have you been?” He asks Kun, pulling him into a hug, Kun squeezing him tightly before letting go. 

“Quite well, yourself?” He asks and the man shrugs his shoulders as Kun sits back down. 

“Same ol’, same ol’,” he says with a bright smile. It’s a handsome smile, all toothy and radiant, eyes squinting up cutely. “Chenle,” he says, nodding to the younger boy and then his eyes fall on Renjun. Renjun’s heart skips a beat, seeing those beautiful honey brown eyes focused solely on him. “I’m afraid I don’t remember you. Have we met before?” 

“Ah, Johnny,” Kun says, finally giving a name to this stranger. “This is Renjun. This is my younger cousin, the one I was telling you about,” he introduces them and Johnny’s face brightens up again. He reaches across the table to offer a hand, Renjun taking it firmly. 

“Nice to meet you,” Johnny says. “Kun’s had quite a bit to say about you. Smart, clever, but he didn’t mention handsome,” Johnny lays on and Renjun pulls his hand back shyly, pushing his hair behind his ear while Kun smacks him in the arm. 

“Don’t get started on that, we’re in public!” Kun complains. “First Yuta and now you, can you two ever not embarrass me?” He continues and Johnny laughs brightly, lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck. 

“Well, I just can’t help myself, Kun, you’re quite easy to rile up.” Kun narrows his eyes, Johnny lifting his hands in mock surrender. “Alright, I see your point. What can I get you guys, I’m sure you didn’t come here just for a chat.” 

Kun orders for the three of them, Renjun not sure he wouldn’t swallow his own tongue while trying to speak to Johnny. He makes note of what they want and escapes, clapping Kun on the shoulder once more before leaving. Kun sighs as he leaves, shaking his head while leaning back in his seat, Chenle bursting into giggles. 

“What?” Renjun asks, noticing two very different reactions from his cousins as soon as Johnny leaves. 

“Ah, nothing,” Kun says. 

“Johnny’s always like that,” Chenle says. “He’s a bit of a flirt, he’ll speak to anyone like that if given the chance.” Renjun nods slowly, his eyes finding Johnny, so much taller and broader than most of the other people in the room, standing next to the counter. He’s talking with a small group of other men, Yuta leaning on the counter next to him. “He’s really nice, all of the gentlemen here are but they’re a bit… odd, if you get what I’m saying.” 

“Chenle,” Kun scolds gently. Renjun glances between his cousins. “You’re going to start rumors like that.” 

“It’s not anything anyone doesn’t know,” Chenle defends. “They’re odd ducks. I never said there was anything wrong with that,” he points out. Renjun hums, shifting back into his seat. 

“Don’t listen to him, Renjun,” Kun says, reaching over to rest a hand on Renjun’s shoulder. “They’re nothing worth worrying about and they’re very kind. All of the people in town are, this is a very quiet town.” 

If that’s supposed to put Renjun at ease, it doesn’t. It only makes him more worried about the possibility of people knowing about him. 

Johnny stops them from paying as Kun attempts to while they’re leaving, Johnny taking the money Kun offers him and putting it back in his hands. 

“Ah, consider it a gift,” Johnny says and then catches Renjun’s eye around Kun’s shoulder. “Welcome to town, Renjun.” 

“Thank you,” Renjun says, smiling shyly. Kun tells Johnny to stop being such a good guy as they leave, Johnny wishing them a good day as they leave the eatery. Renjun glances back as they leave, Johnny already turning back to the bar to engage in conversation again. Renjun tucks his hands into his pockets and looks to Kun. “That was kind of him.” 

“That man, always trying to take care of everyone,” Kun sighs, the three of them making their way through the main square. It’s a little less crowded post lunch hours and they loiter near the tavern for a moment. “What can you expect from a beta, really,” Kun comments, pushing his glasses up his nose. 

“Is he really?” Renjun asks, glancing back through the window. 

“Oh yes,” Kun agrees. “You thought otherwise?” 

“He’s very… outlandish, for a beta,” Renjun says, carefully and Kun laughs in reply. 

“He is, isn’t he?” He says, shaking his head. “I suppose that’s just Johnny’s personality. He’s quite the beta, very nurturing, spends all his time taking care of this place. Homebody, some people would call him,” Kun tells him and Renjun nods slowly. “You know, that reminds me,” Kun says, shifting his satchel a little more comfortably on his shoulder, “I have someone I want you to meet. Would you like to come with me?” 

“Shall I come?” Chenle asks, sitting on an apple box next to them, the fruit stall positioned closely to the entrance of the tavern. 

“I’m sure you’d like to be free for awhile. Go on then, I’m sure Jisung is running around the park waiting for you anyway,” Kun tells him and Chenle hops up. He presses a kiss to Kun’s cheek, his brother batting him away before Chenle is off, running towards the park. He’s agile, Renjun notices, the way he slips and bobs between people. 

“So, what do you think?” Kun asks, giving Renjun the option. Renjun considers for a moment but if Kun wants him to meet this person, it must be for a good reason. He agrees and Kun’s face splits into his very handsome grin. “Alright then. I think you’ll like them,” Kun says. He nods to one of the side streets, the two of them breaking off from the main square. 

The foot traffic breaks up immediately, the side streets of town being far less traveled. Kun leads them confidently through the winding cobbled streets, Renjun keeping close to his backside. These streets lead them away from the town square quickly and into the darker parts of the town. Kun turns a corner, stepping down into a lower street. Nothing about this town is seedy but it’s clear that these streets are a little less kept, these buildings housing some of the people considered “outsiders” within the community. Kun doesn’t pay it any attention, nodding to women sweeping their front stoop and children playing marbles in the street before stopping in front of a building. 

It looks a bit worn down, one of the windows cracked but Kun pays it no mind as he knocks on the door. Renjun glances around, not sure what kind of people live down here. They wait only a moment before the front door swings open and Renjun gasps at the person suddenly flinging themself at Kun. 

“Oh, goodness, Ten,” Kun laughs, the man holding onto him giggling into his neck. Kun pulls away, the man that threw himself at Kun grinning widely at him. “How could you be so sure it was me?” Kun asks but Ten only rolls his eyes, reaching up to gently touch Kun’s cheek, brushing his thumb over the swell of his cheek. 

“As if I don’t know when it’s you. What’re you doing here?” He asks. Renjun notices the way Kun doesn’t pull away, keeps his hands on Ten’s waist. It’s very… affectionate. 

“Ah, I have someone you and Taeyong might want to meet,” Kun says, looking to Renjun, Ten’s gaze following his. “Ten, this is my younger cousin, Renjun. Renjun, this is Ten. He’s who I’d like you to meet.” 

“Hello,” Renjun greets him shyly but Ten looks at him as though he sees all of him. He sees through the carefully constructed wall he’s created, the bluff he’s got, the veil he’s shrouded himself in. It makes Renjun feel a little uneasy, unsettled in his own skin, wishing he could step away and run all the way back to the estate. His estate, the one way out in the country where no one can see straight through him like this. 

“I see,” Ten comments. “Come in, the both of you,” Ten tells them. He leaves Kun’s grasp but Kun’s hands linger as long as they can. Kun sighs gently then turns to Renjun.

“C’mon then, after you,” Kun says and Renjun steps up hesitantly, stepping through the door. Kun closes it softly behind them. 

Ten is already running about the home, pushing back curtains and straightening things, making it look nice. It’s already a nice house, Renjun considers, well swept with a pretty and neat kitchen, the sitting room cozy looking with a lounge and a couple of chairs. He picks up the couple of tea cups on the low table and takes them to the kitchen, setting them aside before putting a kettle on. 

“Apologies for the mess,” he says, not that Renjun sees a mess. “Please, sit. I’ll make tea, we can talk.” 

“Ten,” Kun says and his voice is latent with fondness. Renjun doesn’t think he’s ever heard his cousin speak in such a manner, crossing the small foyer to get to Ten, rest his hands on Ten’s waist gently. “You shouldn’t, we just ate.” 

“Nonsense, sit,” Ten tells him, pointing to the dining table. Kun doesn’t move though and Ten turns to look at him, eyes narrowing. “Sit down, Qian Kun, or so help me,” he threatens and Kun huffs, removing his hands and moving to the table. “Renjun, dear, please sit. No reason for you to be standing around.” Renjun is surprised to be addressed but moves to join Kun at the table while Ten starts pulling things out of the icebox and cupboard. 

“Taeyong isn’t here, unfortunately,” Ten says, setting things on the table. Kun rests his arm on the table, the elbow of the other one resting next to his wrist to prop up his chin. “He’s out at the farm, the Chois have been calling on him quite a bit lately, something about the cows being fussy. You know Taeyong, always knows how to speak to the animals.” 

“Don’t I know it,” Kun replies and Ten glances before going back to grabbing them all tea cups and saucers.

Renjun takes note of Ten now, what he looks like. His hair is blond, a shocking color against his golden skin tone and he’s wearing jewelry. It drapes around his neck and down his wrists, drips from his fingers in the form of numerous rings. All of it is silver. He’s dressed in loose fitting clothing that swamps his thin figure. He’s exceptionally beautiful, with thin, delicate features. 

“You’re an omega, aren’t you?” Renjun asks and Ten pauses as he’s setting the saucers down on the table. Kun looks alarmed, eyes darting to Ten briefly. Ten only licks his lips before resuming his task, setting teacups down in saucers, pushing them to their respective person.

“Yes,” Ten finally says and Renjun leans back in his seat. “Yes, dear, I am.” 

“That’s why you brought me here,” Renjun says, leaning towards Kun, hands on the edge of the table. “Why? What are you gaining by bringing me here?” 

“Renjun, don’t be upset,” Kun says, reaching over for him. Renjun snatches his hands back, Kun frowning, looking hurt. “I just thought, you’ve been so worried. I thought it might help.” 

“Please don’t be upset with Kun,” Ten says, picking up the whistling kettle. Renjun turns to look at him with big scared eyes. Ten pours them all tea measuredly, setting the kettle aside on his stove before sitting down with them. He turns to Renjun finally. “He came to me before you even moved here, he thought it would be nice for you to know that there are other people like you here. Me, Taeyong.” 

“Do people know?” Renjun asks and Ten nods, hesitantly. “And what do people think of you?” He asks with a sharp conviction that says he already knows the answer. Ten looks away, tangling his fingers together in his lap. “Exactly. Kun, what were you thinking?” 

“You don’t have to be afraid of this,” Kun insists. “Your presentation isn’t a death sentence, Renjun. Ten, please,” Kun pleads and Ten lifts his eyes nervously. “Please speak sense into him.” 

“Kun, say what you will but you don’t understand,” Ten says and Kun deflates, eyes falling to his tea. Ten reaches over, resting on top of where Kun’s is resting on the table. He turns to Renjun then. “Renjun, you must be scared. I understand.” 

“People can’t know,” Renjun says. “One person finds out and it spreads throughout the whole town. I’ll be shunned, forced out of the community. I don’t know how you and Taeyong do it.” 

“We’re good people,” Ten says. “We’ve lived in this community for a long time and it’s never been a secret. We were birthed here, our presentations have never been a secret. We’re not appreciated but the church has yet to banish us. I can see why you might think they would do that to you, though,” Ten says and Renjun averts his eyes to his steaming tea. “You don’t have to tell people. It’s no one’s business really, what you are, even if you are quite beautiful.” Renjun flushes despite himself. “The only way to truly keep it a secret is to hide your face, I’m afraid your beauty is quite particular of that of a male presenting omega.” 

“I’ve been told,” Renjun mutters, finally picking up his tea with shaky hands. 

“If you tell people, we’ll stand by you. Taeyong, Kun and I. Your cousin Chenle as well, I presume. And Taeyong and I have many friends in the community, you shouldn’t fear this,” Ten tells him. “I understand why you might but Kun did the right thing bringing you here. You should know you’re not alone.” 

Tea is still a tad awkward but it dissolves as they begin talking amongst themselves. Ten tells Renjun of his job, he’s a fortune teller. Surely that doesn’t make him a favorite of the church but people will go to him with troubles and he can ease their minds, their worries. Ten is a spiritual person, it’s why he and Taeyong keep the house so clean, clearing out the energies. Kun looks on with thinly veiled disbelief, being a man of a science, a doctor of all things. 

“Well, I don’t remember telling you you had to come to my readings, do you?” Ten tells him and Kun only shakes his head at him, lifting Ten’s hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it. Ten tugs his hand away with a huff, making Kun laugh. “Don’t believe it but the mystic is all around us.” 

“Our grandmother said the same thing,” Renjun comments and Ten gives him a gentle smile. “She was spiritual, more in the way of the church than anything but she believed. She told me I was made this way for a reason. She didn’t know the reason and she always said she doubted anyone ever would but God doesn’t make mistakes.” 

“Your grandmother was wise,” Ten tells him. “If only she could’ve instilled the same belief into this one,” Ten says, giving Kun a very pointed look. 

“Grandmother believed in the spirits, I believe in science. Your presentation is a genetic abnormality, but nonetheless very real. You’re not the only ones in the world like this, there are others,” Kun states clearly. “There should be no shame associated with one’s body. It is how science wills it, not a cosmic mistake.” 

There’s something comforting about that too, Renjun thinks. 

The leave not long after, Kun pressing a kiss to Ten’s cheek before he departs. Ten shoos him off, rolling his eyes but Kun hugs him tightly once more. Ten tells Renjun to come back whenever he’d like, if he’d like to talk or just someone to listen to him. Renjun promises before they leave. 

“Ten,” Renjun said softly on their walk back to the main square. 

“Mhm,” Kun hums. 

“Are you… do you care for him, cousin?” Renjun asks, delicately. Kun sighs deeply and Renjun wonders if he crossed a line. Kun only nods, fixing his glasses, as is his nervous habit. 

“I do,” Kun admits. “Very deeply.” 

Renjun needs not to ask more questions. He already has the answer he’s looking for in the way Kun says it. 

For an eventful first couple of days, the rest of the week passes by without incident. Renjun goes into town with Chenle every day, stops by some of the stalls to get small things, meets all of Chenle’s friends. Jisung is clearly the boy Chenle spends most of his time with but Renjun enjoys the others, Donghyuck, Jaemin, Jeno and Mark. 

Mark is a bit shy around Renjun, has the same nervous habit as Kun, adjusting his big, circle lensed spectacles, but usually a nervous laugh is tacked onto the end. Donghyuck is kind of rude but he stutters over his words when Renjun is just as rude back and he realizes that’s just how Donghyuck is, a little rude and sharp but it’s fun, teasing him. Jaemin and Jeno are practically attached at the hip and take to doting on Renjun immediately, which Renjun still isn’t sure if he appreciates or not. 

They’re a sweet group of boys and Renjun finds them absolutely delightful.

Kun introduces him to some of the other gentlemen in town. Doyoung works at the library, shelving books and chasing the boys out of his temple of solitude whenever they get too rowdy. Jaehyun and Guanheng also work at the tavern, Jaehyun as a second tender while Guanheng works tables. They get distracted by Johnny halfway through introductions and Kun has to shoo him away before he takes up too much of their attention. 

Renjun finally meets Taeyong, as well as Taeil, both of them being farmhands for the Choi Farm out in the fields. Taeyong is Ten’s roommate and a fellow omega while Taeil’s a bright and cheery beta who doesn’t seem the least bit perturbed by working with Taeyong. It makes something hopeful plant itself in Renjun’s stomach. 

Sicheng is the son of the peach orchard owner out on Dong Groves. Dejun and Yangyang are a couple of young boys who work out in the orchard with him, sometimes eating more peaches than they actually pick. Sicheng sends Renjun home with a small bundle of them, winking cutely when he tells him to enjoy them. 

Renjun finds Xuxi to be an interesting character, the blacksmith’s apprentice who walks around constantly sporting soot marks and burns. He’s a tall and intimidating person if you don’t know him but the moment he smiles it all melts away. Renjun finds himself sharing lunches with Xuxi, the two of them speaking in hushed Mandarin for the entirety of his lunch until Junmyeon comes out to call Xuxi back to work. 

“Jaehyun,” Johnny calls out, standing by the window. Jaehyun wanders over, looking out the window with his boss. He notices what Johnny is looking at immediately, Xuxi and that new boy, Renjun, sitting on a couple of boxes next to a shopping stall in the town square, across from the tavern. They’re an odd couple, Xuxi being so much taller and bulkier while Renjun seems to dwarf him in most every way. 

“Yes, boss?” Jaehyun asks. 

“Have you noticed anything about that new boy, Kun’s cousin?” Johnny asks and Jaehyun peers out again. 

Renjun seems quite normal. He seems to be fitting in well as well, making friends with the boys in the grove, the rascals in town, sharing lunches with Xuxi. Jaehyun watches the way he speaks with Xuxi, book cradled in his lap while he nibbles on slices of peach. 

“Can’t say I have,” Jaehyun admits. He looks at Johnny, who has a slight furrow in his brow. “What goes on in that head of yours?” Jaehyun asks. Johnny shakes himself, turning to look at Jaehyun, who is looking at him curiously. 

“Nothing, just something about him, I suppose.” 

“Well, you always have been a bit of a sucker for the pretty ones, haven’t you, boss?” Jaehyun inquires and Johnny’s eyes widen a bit. Jaehyun glances back over and Johnny’s eyes follow his gaze. 

Renjun is beautiful. Abnormally so, so delicate and soft with rounded, tiny features. He looks so small, curled up on a box next to Xuxi. It almost makes Johnny think… 

Nonsense. 

“Hush you, before you start something,” Johnny tells him. “Go clean a table,” he instructs and Jaehyun laughs as he walks away, slinging his towel over his shoulder. Johnny spares them one last glance before walking away from the window himself. 

Renjun doesn’t meet Jungwoo until Kun opens his practice back up, when Jungwoo flounces into the home, insisting how much he missed Kun for the long week the practice was closed. Kun looks exasperatedly fond as Jungwoo begins bustling around the lower floor of the home, Renjun sipping tea in the kitchen while Jungwoo picks up things just to straighten them up a bit and put them back. 

“The boy thinks he’s my housekeeper or something,” Kun complains, pouring himself a cup of tea. “I swear I hired an assistant, I swear on it!” 

“I can hear you, Kun!” Jungwoo shouts and Kun rolls his eyes as he takes a sip of his tea. 

Renjun spends most of his afternoons that he’s not being dragged into town sitting out on Kun’s property, reading. He loves books, has always loved books and he still has his entire collection from his room back home. This is one he’s read a few times but it always makes his heart race, always brings tears to his eyes so he sits under one of the trees that dot Kun’s property with delightfully shady, low hanging branches, rereading words he’s loved so much. 

“Is this what you do?” Ten comments, walking up the path. Renjun looks up in surprise, his face splitting into a grin to see Ten coming up to the house. “All the time in the world, a whole town down the road and you sit and read,” he continues as he steps up onto the grass, coming close to sit next to Renjun. 

“I’m afraid I’m just not that exciting,” Renjun says and Ten bumps his shoulder into Renjun’s. 

“What is it?” Ten asks, resting a hand on the ground on the other side of Renjun’s hips, Renjun tilting towards Ten to show him the book. 

“It’s a romance novel,” Renjun admits and Ten almost chokes on his laughter. Renjun shoved him away, Ten falling over into the grass. “Shut up! It’s very good!” 

“What garbage,” Ten says and Renjun huffs but isn’t offended. He knows it’s a silly thing to like, romance novels. They’re all about strapping male alphas coming in and sweeping female omegas off their feet, ostentatious displays of strength and cunning while the woman is left to moan and cry of her circumstance. They’re silly and Renjun knows it, he just… he loves them. 

He’s always been a bit of a hopeless romantic, wishing without hope that someone, anyone, might show up and sweep him off his feet. Spending long days in a countryside estate with nothing but your imagination has been known to do that to people, make their fantasies run a little wild. 

“Oh, I know,” Renjun sighs, setting his book aside. “What can I say, I like rubbish sometimes,” he says and Ten snorts. “What about you, though? What’re you doing out here?” 

“I have an appointment with Kun,” Ten says and Renjun nods. “I’ve been getting headaches something awful lately. My usual way of dealing with things isn’t working, so mysticism be damned, I’m going to a doctor.” It’s Renjun’s turn to snort this time. “I just hope Kun won’t mind, I haven’t much to pay him for his services.” 

“For you? Kun would do anything,” Renjun says and Ten looks towards the house, a bit wistful. “You care for him, don’t you?” 

“Terribly,” Ten says and he sounds so sad it makes Renjun’s heart ache. “But you know how these things go. No chance in hell, not for the two of us. The town tolerates me but to settle down, to use my body for its intended purpose, raise a family… well that might just be the last straw.” He sounds unbelievably sad about it. “And to bring Kun into that… I couldn’t live with myself.” 

“Kun adores you, you see that, don’t you?” Renjun suggests and Ten nods. 

“And I do him. That is why I do not push my luck.” Ten stands then, brushing himself off. “Best not keep him waiting. Enjoy your rubbish, Renjun,” Ten says, and Renjun swats at Ten’s leg as he huffs a laugh, heading up to the house. 

Renjun gets used to the change in his life, the pace of people coming in and out of the house, greeting guests, Kun’s patients, before heading out for the day, as he comes in for the evening. Kun never takes patients past sunset, unless it is truly an emergency and for that Renjun is grateful. Renjun doesn’t make a habit of walking around the home not properly dressed but he can admit to darting to the kitchen in the dead of night for a quick tea when he can’t sleep. 

The only problem with this old house, however, is that the bathtub on the third floor is much too far for Renjun to be carrying buckets of water up to on his own. He warms his water in the kitchen and, with Kun and Chenle’s blessing, uses the second floor bathroom to do his scrubbing up. It’s still a bit of a hassle but he manages just fine, sinking into the porcelain tub as soon as he manages to fill it comfortably with hot water. 

He soaks for what must be an absolutely unimaginable amount of time, until the water cools down, room temperature. He’s hesitant to climb out of the bath, baths always being his favorite place to just exist. To just be a person, in the solitude of the tub, the water and his own body. Washing down is almost a religious experience to him, to remember the intricacies of his body, remember that he must love it, not fear it, not hate it. 

When he does get out he wraps his towel tightly around himself, planning to head up to his room to dress. It’s not very far and when he steps out of the bathroom the sudden chill of the house makes his skin break out in goosebumps. 

That’s when he hears it, the sound of footsteps on the stairs. He looks over, half expecting Chenle or Kun to be making their way up, ask him if he’s okay considering how long he’s been missing in the bathroom but gasps in surprise when he realizes it’s neither of them. 

It’s Johnny. Why he would be up here Renjun doesn’t know and Renjun all but throws himself in the bathroom, locking the door behind him, back pressed up against the door. He can hear Johnny walking closer through the thin wood and he almost holds his breath as though Johnny is a wild animal stalking his prey. 

“Excuse me?” He says, knocking on the door. Renjun squeezes his eyes shut. “Is someone in here?” 

“Uh,” Renjun clears his throat, suddenly dry. “Yes. I’m just washing up. If you could give me a few moments?” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Renjun.” He knows it’s him. “Please take your time.” 

Renjun doesn’t hear Johnny move for a long moment and then footsteps, walking away from the door. Renjun breaths a deep breath, relaxing against the door. The footsteps continue for a while until they disappear, Renjun straining to hear more. He doesn’t so he figures it’s safe. 

He darts out of the bathroom and down the hall, running up the stairs to his bedroom.

He doesn’t notice Johnny still on the stairs, most of the way down but still able to see the second floor landing. He glances when he hears the door open, Renjun slipping from the bathroom and running down the hall, only to disappear up the third floor stairs. His eyes linger on the length of Renjun’s legs, slim and pretty and pale, the way the towel curves over his backside. 

He averts his eyes quickly, shaking his head. 

He tells Kun that Renjun was in the bathroom, Kun apologizing for the inconvenience, their first floor bathroom having sprung a leak overnight. Johnny brushes him off, though he can’t get the image of Renjun in just his towel out of his head. 

“I heard a very interesting piece of gossip from the old bitties by the library the other day,” Doyoung says over his ale. Yuta and Jaehyun both boo, throwing their towels at him. Doyoung squawks indignantly, shoving their towels off of him as they land on his arms and shoulders. Johnny rolls his eyes, passing another glass of ale down to them, Sicheng sitting next to Jaehyun on the outside of the bar, before joining them. 

It’s well past closing but Johnny always entertains a few of the other men in town at these hours. They’ve got nothing better to do and without a missus at home they have nothing stopping them from staying out. Johnny likes these conversations anyway, catching up with the boys over glasses of ale and a bit of gossip from the old bitties in town. 

“You must know they all speak without tongues,” Sicheng comments and Yuta snorts into his drink. “Not worth your time, Doie.” 

“Just curious bits, I thought,” Doyoung insists, fingers tapping against the side of his glass. “Thought you might find this bit of gossip particularly interesting, Johnny.” Johnny lifts a brow at him. “Given your… persuasion.” 

“Must we every time we get together?” Johnny complains and they all dissolve into laughter. “It's not a necessary comment to make! Imagine what might happen if one of the bitties heard that, or worse, the church.” 

“The church would sooner cut off their own hands than make the effort to shun anyone,” Yuta tells him. “It’s not worth the time. And you? The community would laugh them all out of town. They know about Taeyong and Ten and yet… nothing.” Yuta lifts a brow and as well as his drink. “Not a worthwhile panic there, Johnny boy.” 

“I’d appreciate it if we stopped mentioning it though. It’s not a public post, you know?” Yuta lifts a hand in surrender as he takes a drink, Doyoung looking at him gently. 

“Then you have nothing to worry about. I just happened to overhear one of the ladies by the library mention that new boy in town, you know the one, Kun’s cousin?” Doyoung says and Johnny tilts his head at him. “Rumor has it he’s not all there, between his legs.” 

“That’s crass, even for you, Doyoung,” Jaehyun says and Doyoung shrugs his shoulders, taking a drink of his ale. “And also wildly unfounded. He’s still young. Chances are no one’s even gotten him between the sheets, what would they know about it?” 

“Apparently the Qians are well known in the area,” Doyoung explains. “Born and raised in town. The son settled down, had a family, Kun and Chenle are from his lot but the daughter went missing. Gossip says she settled down but when she had the baby she ran off, settled out countryside, though no one knows for sure. Not a lot of reasons one would skip town like that,” Doyoung points out. 

“Trash,” Sicheng says. “It’s all speculation. And even if it is true, so what? Ten and Taeyong are lovely people. Are we really going to judge people based on what’s between their legs?” He suggests, lifting a brow at them. 

“I never said that,” Doyoung defends. “I’m just relaying what I heard. You lot always want to know what gets said outside my library, this was the word of the day.”

“Let’s hope it’s just the day,” Johnny says. “The kid’s been in town only a few weeks. No reason to try and run him out already.” 

“Seems sweet,” Jaehyun says softly, swirling his ale around in his glass. “Spends a lot of time with the other boys, seen him out and about with Ten, Xuxi. Be a real shame to see a bunch of baseless rumors chase him out of town.” 

“Then I’m glad I said something,” Doyoung tells them. “This tavern keeps all the rumors. Maybe you lot can stop it before it starts.” 

Johnny tries not to give that rumor much thought, lets it enter and exit his brain as quickly as it comes. It is baseless conjecture and, ultimately, doesn’t mean a thing. The bitties down by the library do talk without tongues, that’s one thing Sicheng always gets right, so Johnny doesn’t put much stock into what they say. Never has and doesn’t intend to. 

But his eyes linger over Renjun when he comes in with the boys in town, tumbling into a booth with Jeno and Mark on either side. Jeno clings to him like a second skin and Johnny can’t help the way his eyes roam over Renjun’s features. 

He’s so beautiful. He told Kun and Renjun that he was handsome but that’s not quite the right word. Renjun is pretty beyond belief, so beautiful with his button nose and pink lips and almond eyes. His cheeks are adorably round and when he smiles Johnny’s heart jumps in his chest. Renjun is gorgeous, beyond traditional standards. 

Renjun being a male presenting omega wouldn’t surprise Johnny at all. From his thin, shorter stature to his features, he has the makings. And it makes Johnny wonder if he has intentions of mating if he is. Would he want that? Would he be interested in settling down, finding a beta or an alpha to start a family with? 

It would be almost impossible to do so in town, the very idea that he would do so hard to imagine. The church is lenient with them but they have a low threshold for nonsense. A male presenting omega going out of his way, settling down, having a family where the church can see, can intervene, it’s just not possible. At best he would be chased out of town, at worse… Johnny loathes to imagine. 

But he’s at the right age. Just past 20, Kun had said, a year older than Chenle. If he plans on mating, making a family, this is his window. It begins now. Johnny missed his. 

He’s not too terribly old but he’s a tad beyond his prime at 25. It’s a narrow window, settling down, having a family. It’s one thing Johnny regrets, not having a chance to start a family. He still thinks about it, the idea of it. He wants that chance but he’s also grown to accept that it may not happen for him. It’s just… too late for him. 

Renjun looks very cute next to Jeno and Jeno would make a great husband, broad and strong and sweet, a perfect beta. Johnny breaths a soft sigh. Yes, Jeno and Renjun would make a lovely couple. 

Renjun turns his head then and their eyes meet. Renjun looks surprised to see Johnny already looking and Johnny only offering him a slight smile before looking away. Renjun lowers his eyes then, hands in his lap and looks up only when Jaemin tries to get his attention. 

Johnny notices Renjun a lot more often from then on. Renjun wandering around town with his younger cousin, stopping by the shopping stalls to buy fresh produce. When he closes up the shop at night and retires to his home on the second floor, a tiny little flat above his tavern, his eyes gravitate to the window, where he can see Kun’s estate just across the river, some of the lights still on. His eyes always find the third floor window, watching until the light goes out. 

It’s late, very late, and yet Renjun is out of bed. He’s outside, walking along the river. It’s a cool evening, and he’s only in his trousers and nightshirt, boots laced up haphazardly. He’s not quite sure why he can’t sleep, he passes it off as homesickness, the town still not feeling like home. Still a little too busy, a little too much and he’s far past the bridge now, though he can still see it, and the glow of the town across the river. 

It’s quiet out here, just the sound of the water, the hush of the summer grass in the wind. He sits down next to the bank, looking up at the stars. They make him feel a little closer to home, still able to see the constellations he memorized when he was young, his mother showing him all the ways the stars made pictures in the sky. 

“Can’t sleep?” Someone asks and Renjun starts, looking around. He spots the figure a little ways away from him. It’s dark and he can barely make them out, but they’re tall and broad and Renjun feels like he already knows who this is. 

“Johnny,” he states and Johnny hums as he gets closer. 

The moon is the only light and when he’s close enough Renjun can make out Johnny’s features, softly downturned eyes, slightly upturned nose, plush, pink lips. He settles down next to Renjun in the grass, the two of them sitting down by the river at a time completely uncertain. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Johnny whispers, almost lost in the babble of the river and hush of the grass. 

“No, I couldn’t sleep,” Renjun says. “I’ve been having that problem lately.” 

“Have you asked Kun about it?” Johnny asks but Renjun only smiles in a rueful manner, shaking his head. 

“Just homesickness,” Renjun says and Johnny ‘ahh’s softly. “It’s just… not home yet, y’know?” He says and Johnny nods. 

“I can understand that.” 

They fall silent, listening to the meadow breath around them. Water rushing, sweet summer grass swishing against one another. There’s something comforting about Johnny being out here with him, his presence so warm and gentle. Renjun looks at him from the corner of his eye, Johnny leaning back on his hands, looking up at the sky. 

“What about you?” Renjun asks. 

“Hm?” Johnny hums. “Well, I have insomnia. Kun tells me it’s just sleeplessness. He says it’s stress,” Johnny says, a little breathless laugh tacked on the end. “We’ve tried everything. Foods, drinks, stretches, it doesn’t work. I guess I just don’t sleep.” 

“Isn’t that hard?” Renjun asks. 

“Not so bad. I’ve grown used to it.” 

Silence overtakes them again and it feels safe. Renjun feels safe and warm out here, with Johnny. Johnny doesn’t push to ask for more, tells him the truth of his struggles and Renjun appreciates that. He’s only known Johnny for a short while but he trusts him. He knows this may be a mistake but the weight on his shoulders feels so heavy. His secret eats at his insides and it’s not enough to tell Ten, to tell Taeyong who already knows what it’s like.

“Johnny.” Johnny hums in reply. “I’m an omega.” 

Silence. 

“I know,” he says and it petrifies Renjun for a moment. “I know you are. You’re too beautiful, Renjun. You give yourself away.” Renjun closes his eyes briefly. “I’m attracted to men.” Renjun’s eyes shoot open and he looks at Johnny, just to see him already looking at him. “Now we have each other’s secrets.” 

“You-” 

“I am. I’ve always been attracted to men. I used to see Taeyong, in secret. Some of my friends caught me, but they’re the only ones who know. I assume only Kun, Ten, Taeyong and Chenle know about you?” Renjun nods hesitantly. “I’ll keep yours if you keep mine.” 

“Okay,” Renjun agrees. Johnny shifts to offer his hand. Renjun looks at it for a moment before leaning over and pressing his lips to Johnny’s. Johnny goes still for a moment before lifting his free hand to cradle the back of Renjun’s head. Renjun pulls back with a little smile. “Sealed with a kiss.” 

“Deal.” 

Things don’t change for Renjun. He still frequents the market, buying things at the stalls, sharing lunches with Xuxi, plays with the rascal boys in town at the park. He spends late afternoons reading under trees until the light dies beyond sight. Kun takes him to dinner at the tavern sometimes and Johnny drops by to pick on Kun, poking fun at Renjun but it’s not different. 

Johnny, however, finds that he thinks about Renjun far more than he should. 

His mind wanders to Renjun when he’s doing mundane tasks, at work, around his apartment. Sometimes they even follow him to bed and those are the worst. He wills them away, turning over in bed and finds that it’s not just his insomnia keeping him awake. 

He sees Renjun at all hours, it feels like, spots Renjun having lunch with Xuxi in the square, running around with the boys in the park. His heart stops in his chest when Jaemin tackles Renjun to the ground once, and pins him down with hands on his wrists. He has to look away, panic crawling up his throat, because he doesn’t want to imagine Renjun like that. He can’t imagine Renjun like that. 

When Renjun comes in with the others, sometimes he greets Johnny softly and it makes his heart beat double time in his chest. His hands shake when Renjun gets too close, clearly not understanding what he’s doing to him. It drives him crazy, to see and not have. To have to keep this closed, this a secret. 

He thinks about Renjun kissing him all the time. The press of Renjun’s pretty pink lips against his own haunts his dreams and he wakes up gasping for breath and hard more times than he can count just from a press of lips. He feels like a child, like a confused young boy and he wishes, desperately, that he could turn this off. 

His careful self restraint, the thing he’s worked so hard to keep in hand, in control of all his life, it breaks when Renjun shows up past closing. He looks as though he’s not slept, dressed down and holding himself on Johnny’s front stoop. No one else is in, Yuta and Jaehyun and Guanheng already having gone home, so Johnny lets him in and makes them both tea. 

“Can’t sleep?” Johnny asks, pouring them both cups. 

“No,” Renjun says shortly and doesn’t elaborate this time. Johnny only hums, sets the kettle aside and sits down with him. Renjun’s hands are shaking when he picks up his cup, taking a careful sip. He sets the cup down clumsily and Johnny reaches out then, holding onto both of Renjun’s hands. Renjun looks up at him, panic forming in his eyes. 

“You’re shaking,” Johnny comments softly. “Why are you shaking, darling?” 

“Why would you call me that?” Renjun asks and Johnny tilts his head. “Darling? Why did you call me that?” 

“Do you not want me to?” 

“I-” Renjun looks at a loss. Johnny holds onto his hands more firmly.

“Why are you shaking?” Johnny asks, this time without the endearment. Renjun looks away from him, eyes averted to the floor. “Renjun, what’s wrong?” 

“Johnny, I can’t sleep,” he says. “I haven’t slept in days. I keep-” he breathes a shaky breath. “I keep thinking of you.” 

“What about me?”

“I can’t say it,” Renjun mutters. “Don’t make me say it,” He says and Johnny knows. He knows what keeps Renjun up because it keeps him up. Because as normal as Renjun always acted, always seemed to be, he hasn’t been okay. He’s been having thoughts that are tearing him up inside, shameful things. Things that he’s always been told not to desire, that he can’t have, that aren’t his to want. And that eats Johnny up. 

Johnny knows shame. He knows shame to want. To desire things he shouldn’t but this is unlike anything at all. The shame Renjun must feel, to be taught that he cannot want anything. That should he indulge, he is wrong, he is wicked and his body is not his to enjoy. His body is not his to share, is not meant to be used for that which it is built. 

Johnny gets up and falls to his knees next to Renjun’s chair. He tugs Renjun’s hands close to him, Renjun’s eyes glistening with unshed tears. 

“Say it, darling,” Johnny whispers, lowering his mouth to Renjun’s hands, pressing kisses to the knuckles of his hands. “Please tell me. You can say it, my dear. You can tell me anything.” 

“I-” his voice breaks and Johnny looks up to see tears dripping down Renjun’s cheeks. “I can’t. I can’t want you. I can’t have this.” 

“You can,” Johnny assures him. “You have whatever you want from me, darling. You can have it all. All you have to do is ask. I’ll give you anything.” 

And he means it. He wants to. He wants to treat Renjun like the prince he is, the perfect untouchable thing Johnny knows he is. He wants to give Renjun his whole life if he asks, Johnny would throw himself at this perfect boy’s feet if only he asked. He kneels before him because Renjun is his church, his judge, jury and executioner. He feels delirious with how willing he would be to give Renjun the world if only he asked. 

“I keep-” he hesitates, swallowing roughly. “I keep thinking about you. I keep thinking about you and me. You, kissing me. Your hands, your- God,” he cuts himself off, looking to the ceiling, tears dripping down his cheeks. “Johnny, please, I think about you all the time. I think about giving myself to you.” 

“How?” 

“Johnny,” Renjun cries. “Any way. However you want me.” 

“How do you want me to have you?” 

“I-” he looks down at Johnny and Johnny feels hysteric, this beautiful perfect boy right here in front of him, so darling and precious. He just wants Renjun to say it. To be able to tell Johnny the truth. Because this matters, the fact that he can say it. That he can admit to his desires. It might just be the start to taking away Renjun’s shame. 

“I want you to have my body. I want you to take me, all of me.” Renjun grips tighter to Johnny’s hands, takes a deep shuddering breath and says, “Johnny, will you make love to me?” 

Johnny surges up then, cradling Renjun’s face in his hands, kissing him hard on the mouth. Renjun whimpers into his lips, Johnny bent over him. Renjun’s hands tangle in his shirt, windows be damned. This whole town be damned. He doesn’t care who sees, he wants people to see. He wants everyone to know that this is his.

Renjun is his. 

Johnny leads Renjun up to his apartment above the tavern and the door only just closes before Renjun is on him, kissing him hard. It’s a beautiful thing, the way Renjun kisses him like a man starved, desperate for him. Johnny grips him by the hips, all but carrying him to his bedroom, laying Renjun out on his sheets. He plans to worship him. He plans to give him everything he could ever want and then some. 

Here, laid out on Johnny’s bed, naked and peering up at him from under his lashes, Johnny couldn’t imagine Renjun to be sinful. He can’t imagine anyone looking at him, so beautifully spread out and open and waiting for Johnny to touch him, and thinking he was wrong. Thinking he was shameful, or dirty, or wicked. Johnny looks across the expanse of honey gold skin that Renjun has on display for him, nestled in his white sheets, sandy blond hair spread out across his pillow like a halo and is pretty sure there is no other term for this other than holy. 

Though he’s graced with the most pleasing display of skin before him, Johnny reaches for his ankle first, his hand sliding up the inside of his leg, over his calf, the back of his knee, gently gripping his thigh to lift his leg over his shoulder. Renjun blushes sweetly, a gentle pink bursting over his cheeks as he turns his head, shy at the prospect of suddenly being exposed. But he doesn’t stop Johnny, lets him lift his leg until his knee is curled over his shoulder, heel resting just under his shoulder blade. 

“So beautiful,” Johnny whispers, voice awestruck as he turns to kiss the side of Renjun’s knee, the hand previously gripping his thigh sliding further up his body to touch his hip, his waist, count his ribs with gentle fingertips. 

“One day, you will think of a new word to call me,” Renjun replies, breathless as he smiles at Johnny, small and knowing. 

“Gorgeous. Stunning. Ethereal,” Johnny replies, kissing his way up Renjun’s thigh. Renjun makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, not quite a moan but more than a whimper. Johnny lets his free hand find the inside of Renjun’s other thigh, splaying it high on his leg, thumb rubbing where his thigh meets his hip. 

Just a few centimeters off of where Johnny really wanted to touch. 

“I’m afraid that’s not the general consensus,” Renjun retorts, turning his head away again.

“Have you considered,” Johnny begins, hand beginning to wander down his thigh. “That they judge because they’re afraid.” Johnny lets his fingers walk back up the inside of his thigh. Carefully and oh-so-gently, Johnny cups his hand over the entirety of Renjun’s pretty pink sex, just to feel the heat of it. He’s already wet, slick rubbing off on the palm of Johnny’s hand. “That they might find you… too tempting.” 

“They find me disgusting,” Renjun answers easily, though his voice breaks as he says it. “I’m abnormal. I’m not meant to be made like this.” 

“Then why would the heavens create you?” Johnny asks, lifting his eyes to gauge Renjun’s reaction. He looks at Johnny, intently. “Why would you exist in this manner if you were not meant to?” He pulls his hand back only to run a single finger through his folds, gathering slick on his fingertip. Renjun whines, high in his throat, as Johnny touches him. “You exist because they willed it. You are not wrong for existing.” 

“Then why do they hate me so?” 

“Because they don’t understand.” Renjun is quite wet already and Johnny bites his lower lip, trying to think of anything other than tasting him. One finger becomes two and he drags his fingers up through his folds again, touching that singular bundle of nerves. Renjun jerks with the sensation, Johnny gently pressing down and stroking it in tight, soft circles. “People reject the unfamiliar. It makes them uncomfortable.” 

“You-” Renjun gasps softly, squirming a bit in Johnny’s bed. “You don’t?” 

“No.” His attention is focused solely on touching Renjun now, the way he’s leaking slick incessantly, lips and entrance all shiny with it. “I think you’re one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen.” 

“Just a thing?” Renjun asks, breathless. 

“No, dear, far more than that,” Johnny insists. He lifts his eyes to meet Renjun’s, Renjun’s beautiful brown eyes watching him as he lowers himself to the bed. Johnny pulls his fingers away for a moment, only to press a single digit into him. His finger sinks into Renjun easily, already so wet and loose for him, Johnny can’t take his eyes away. Renjun moans, arching his back. 

“More,” Renjun whines. “Please, more.” 

“How much more?” 

“All of it,” Renjun sighed. “I want all of it. All of you.” 

Johnny makes quick work of his clothes, his apartment already strewn with Renjun’s. Renjun looks a sight in his sheets and Johnny can’t help himself, covering Renjun’s body with his own, kissing him again. Renjun kisses him back, wrapping his arms around Johnny’s neck to hold him close. This is it, all he’s wanted, all he’s thought of for days on end, the very idea of Renjun in his bed. His hips press down against Renjun’s and the noise Renjun makes at the press of Johnny’s hard cock against his skin is both heavenly and downright sinful. 

And Johnny wants. 

He leans back to line up, then back over Renjun’s body, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his neck, his jaw, his chest, Renjun’s arms thrown around his neck while Johnny eases himself inside of him. Renjun makes the most brilliant aborted little whimpering noises in the back of his throat as he does so, Johnny’s cock slowly and carefully stretching him open. 

Sheathed entirely in Renjun’s tight heat, Johnny pulls back to look at him. Renjun’s eyes are glassy with arousal, pretty pink lips parted as he pants softly. Renjun looks like a vision, and all for him. Just his to have in this moment. 

His eyes wander further down Renjun’s body, his hands fitting perfectly into the curve of his waist, Renjun’s legs bracketing his own hips. He pulls away to look, Renjun’s arms slipping away until only his hands are resting on Johnny’s shoulders. Johnny looks to where he’s buried in Renjun’s body, pulling back a little just to watch himself as he thrusts up into Renjun’s body. Renjun moans softly at the movement, head tipping back on his pillow. 

Renjun is beautiful, this is absolutely certain, but Johnny can’t get enough of looking at Renjun like this. He’s gorgeous beyond comparison in Johnny’s bed, sweat beading along his hairline, eyes fluttering closed as Johnny starts pushing into him faster, more purposefully, his fingers digging into Johnny’s shoulders while Johnny grips his waist so hard he can’t be sure he isn’t leaving bruises. Johnny leans bodily over him to kiss him again, circling his hips as he thrusts up, Renjun choking a noise as Johnny bites gently at his throat. 

“Johnny,” Renjun breathes. 

“Yes, lovely,” Johnny replies, kissing up his throat. 

“Johnny, fuck,” he curses, and Johnny knows it isn’t so much to get his attention as it is just him saying things. But hearing him say his name, voice thick with pleasure and want, it makes heat burst in his stomach, tighten up the muscles of his abdomen and he wants to know more. 

He wants to know what Renjun would sound like on top of him, taking him in his lap. What noises he would make if Johnny buried his face between his thighs until he fell apart on his tongue. Is desperate to find out if Renjun would sound half as beautiful if Johnny bent him over his bed and took him from behind. He needs to know what gorgeous moans Renjun will make when he falls apart for him.

This is reason enough for him to double his efforts, sit more firmly back on his knees where he’s knelt between Renjun’s spread legs and thrust into him harder, faster. Renjun moans are so loud they’re almost shouts, body arching up off of Johnny’s sheets. Johnny spares a thought for what people would think if his tavern was full below them, feels a little hot with the knowledge of other people knowing that he’s the one making Renjun feel this good. 

Johnny lets his hand wander down between Renjun’s legs, pushing himself all the way inside as his fingers gather the wetness leaking from Renjun’s body, over his own cock. He drags his fingers over Renjun’s spread lips, touching where Renjun is stretched around his cock, before finding his clit again. Renjun jumps with the sensation, Johnny pressing down to rub tight circles over it, slowing his thrusts, letting his cock drag over Renjun’s walls, both of them already so sensitive and close to orgasm. 

“Johnny, please,” Renjun begs, voice broken. His fingers are tangled in the bedsheets, having fallen from Johnny’s shoulders when Johnny moved backward, body arching up.

“It’s okay, love. You can let go,” he tells him and it seems to be all Renjun was waiting for, body seizing up as he falls apart under Johnny, cunt spasming around Johnny’s cock. Johnny moans, low and broken, at the feeling of Renjun’s body tightening up around him, pushing into him only a couple more times, still stroking over Renjun’s clit until he’s coming too. Renjun moans softly, Johnny’s name escaping him breathlessly as his walls continue to flutter, as though trying to milk Johnny’s orgasm out of him, cock throbbing as he empties himself inside of Renjun. 

“Renjun,” Johnny groans, unable to look away from where he’s still inside of Renjun. He goes to pull out, only for Renjun to wrap his legs around his waist. Johnny looks up to see Renjun looking at him with a little smile, tired and sated, relaxing back in his sheets. 

“Don’t pull out,” he says. “Stay.” 

“And if you end up pregnant?” Johnny asks, shifting to lean over his body again, Renjun’s legs keeping his hips trapped against his own. Renjun wraps his arms around his shoulders, tugging him down to kiss him on the lips. Their lips are chapped and saliva sticky from all their mouth breathing during sex but neither of them mind. When Renjun pulls back, he presses an additional kiss to Johnny’s cheek. 

“Then so be it,” he mutters, mouth close to Johnny’s ear. “It would be an honor to bear your children, Johnny.” 

“Should I go looking for a ring?” He half-jokes, moving to kiss Renjun’s neck and throat. They’re still sticky with Renjun’s slick and their combined ejaculate but Johnny doesn’t attempt to pull out again. The very idea of Renjun, swollen and round with his children, it makes something warm and wonderful take up residence in his chest.

“Are you proposing to me, Johnny?” Renjun quips. 

“You’re the one who’s offering to carry my children,” Johnny reminds him, sucking a mark under Renjun’s ear. Renjun squirms a little, Johnny gasping softly at the way it feels, Renjun still wrapped tightly around his cock.

“Don’t you want me to?” He asks and Johnny hums against his throat. This time he lets his hand slide over Renjun’s stomach, his pretty flat stomach, down to the slight swell of his lower stomach, resting his hand where he knows his womb is. Lets himself think about Renjun like that, full and round and radiant. 

Johnny’s always wanted kids. A family. It’s a well-known fact around town that Johnny craves that, wants to settle down. It just never happened for him while he was in his prime, a little younger than he is now. It’s a dream, the idea that Renjun wants this, wants him. Renjun’s at the age to settle down, to marry, have kids and Johnny wants that. 

It’s not practical, the idea that Renjun might end up pregnant with his kids. They can’t raise them here, Renjun can’t be pregnant in this town, where people can see him, can know what he is. It’s not an option but Johnny takes this moment to fantasize about it. The idea of Renjun’s stomach, swollen and round, a pretty little baby bump with Johnny’s kids inside. God, he wants that. He really, really does. 

“I do,” Johnny whispers, “I really do.” He lifts his eyes again and Renjun’s looking at him softly, so softly it makes Johnny ache. “But you know we can’t.” 

“One day,” Renjun says, leaning up to kiss him. Johnny kisses him back, begins to silently pray that they can have this one moment. They can make this one mistake and make it out unscathed just so they can try again later. So they can have everything they want at a later date, when it’s safe. 

“One day, I promise I’ll give you kids,” Johnny whispers his promise into Renjun’s lips. “I don’t care how many times I have to do this, I’ll give you kids, baby. Just like you want.” 

“I’m counting on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/sofarsoperfect)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sofarsoperfect)


	2. are harder to hide than i thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He supposed it might not be all bad, living out here. It’s not a permanent situation, not at all, if he wants to remain with Johnny, but it is nice for the time being.
> 
> He doesn’t expect all of it to culminate into something like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> attn readers:
> 
> firstly, huge thank you to everyone who has read the first chapter. your feedbacks have all been incredible and i've never felt so thankful for such a wonderful community in my life. you guys are incredible and i love you.
> 
> in terms of author warnings, there aren't many but there are heavy implications of mpreg in the beginning of this chapter that are discussed at length and if that makes you uncomfortable to read i do not suggest continuing forward. there is also a scene containing someone getting struck on the face, though it is very short and not graphic it may be best to avoid or skip if that's not something you're comfortable reading. again, please keep in mind these warnings are for the mental health and safety of all my readers so please heed them. 
> 
> without further adieu
> 
> *beta'd

Weeks go by and Renjun spends them checking his stomach at every turn. He worries after he eats that it’s not just food in his stomach. He checks the curve of his stomach every chance he gets, tries to act natural around Kun and Chenle, Ten and Taeyong. When a month goes by, he and Johnny waiting hesitantly for something that may or may not happen, he starts getting his hands on Kun’s medical journals. 

It’s well late into the night when Renjun begins flipping through medical journals in a last ditch effort to find out if he and Johnny truly have something worth worrying about. 

“Thought I might find you down here,” Kun says, holding a lamp. Renjun jumps, plastering himself against the bookshelf while pressing a hand to his chest. He turns to look at Kun, who only offers him a small smile, setting the lamp down on the low sitting table. Kun crosses the room and Renjun shuts the medical journal, holding it close to his chest. Kun looks between it and Renjun for a long moment before reaching out and taking it gently from his hands. Renjun looks at the floor, chewing on his lower lip. 

Kun needs only to flip open the cover, skim the beginning, before he’s taking a deep breath, closing it again. 

“Renjun-” 

“I don’t know,” Renjun answers the unasked question. “It’s been weeks but I still don’t know. I don’t know what we’ll do if I am.” 

“Who?” Kun asks. Renjun squeezes his eyes shut, tangling his fingers together nervously. 

“Johnny.” 

Kun breathes in sharply and Renjun pinches his eyes shut tighter. The silence is tense, all consuming where it hangs over their heads. Kun doesn’t say anything for so long, Renjun hesitantly opens his eyes to see Kun looking at the journal but not seeing it. He looks worried but more than anything, resigned. 

“I can’t say I’m shocked,” Kun says finally and Renjun can’t read his tone. “How many weeks?” 

“Five.” 

“You have a few weeks yet before you start to show if you are. Do yourself a favor over the next week, be sure that you don’t have any discoloration... down there,” Kun tells him and Renjun can see, even in the dim light, that Kun is turning pink, having this conversation with his younger cousin. “You’ll know for sure if you are. Trust me.” 

“And if I am?” Renjun asks because he needs to know. 

“Then we figure it out,” Kun says, lifting his eyes to meet Renjun’s. “While I might be a doctor, Renjun, I have no intentions of removing anything from you in the foreseeable future.” The corners of Renjun’s lips tilt up slightly. “I just hope Johnny knows what he’s in for if you are.” 

“You shouldn’t worry about that. If he even thinks about skipping town, I’ll chase him down myself,” Renjun says and Kun smiles properly this time, huffing a laugh. 

“I don’t doubt it. Get some sleep, cousin. You might be needing it.” 

Renjun considers it a lucky break that his cousin is a doctor. He tries not to worry too much about his circumstance, knows that it won’t change the outcome. But his mind wanders to and fro, thinking of what might be happening inside of him. 

He’s not happy about it but he comes to accept that maybe, just maybe, there is something there. And that wouldn’t be so terribly awful to him. 

He finds himself touching his stomach at odd moments, as though unsure it’s there, not quite sure what might lie beneath it. He tries to kick it before it becomes a habit, before he starts seeing things that aren’t really there. After all, he does as Kun suggests and there’s nothing to indicate that there’s anything there at all and he’s heard all about the illusions of desperate mothers. It’s a silly thing to imagine but he thinks about it and his hand rests on his lower stomach as he reads some days and it’s not terrible. 

Two weeks go by before Kun mentions it again. 

“Do you have a moment, Renjun?” He asks as he’s putting his things away, Jungwoo walking a patient to the door. It’s Mrs. Kang, still struggling with her memories after falling off her horse a few months back. Renjun’s seen her around a bit. Renjun pauses on the stairs, steps back down and nods once. 

“What is it?” Renjun asks, walking over to meet Kun. Kun glances across the room, Renjun turning his head to look as well. Jungwoo is quite out of earshot and Kun turns back to him. 

“Have you been ill?” He asks and it’s a very out of character question. Renjun lives with Kun after all, he would think Kun would notice if he was coming down with something. 

“Not at all.” 

“No upset stomachs, nausea, vomiting?” Renjun shakes his head. “How about fatigue, tiredness, a fever maybe?”

“No,” Renjun says, a little smile and a laugh escaping him. It’s a rather odd line of questioning Kun has taken to. “I’m certain you would’ve noticed by now if it were the case. Why are you asking?” 

“Well…” he glances away briefly before meeting Renjun’s eyes again. “Some symptoms can masquerade as flu-like symptoms. I thought I would check in.” Renjun nods. “But none of that? No… bodily changes, either?” He says it delicately and Renjun can only imagine what pains Kun is experiencing. He may be a doctor but Renjun is still his younger cousin. 

“Nothing.” 

“Well,” Kun says finally, a smile on his face. “I would say it’s quite likely that you’re not at all with child, cousin.” 

Renjun’s mouth falls open in surprise, a little bit of shock, a lot of relief but something that tastes a little like… disappointment is bitter on his tongue. 

This is good news and he knows that. He nor Johnny have the ability to raise a child, especially in town. They’re not wed, never will be, and it was a spur of the moment decision. To have a child come out of that would be a bad idea, to say the least. Renjun not being pregnant is a relief, more than anything. 

And yet his eyes fall to the carpet, lips pressing together. It takes Kun no time at all to notice the change in his demeanour. 

“This… is a good thing, isn’t it?” Kun asks gently and Renjun lifts his head quickly, nodding in agreement. 

“Oh, yes, of course,” he hurries to agree. “I’m sorry, I’m just in a bit of shock I suppose. Yes, this is a great thing. I’m sure Johnny will be so glad to hear it.” 

“You’re not,” Kun states and it’s still in that gently understanding tone. Renjun’s eyes dart away from Kun’s seeking ones and Kun steps forward to take Renjun’s hands in his. “Oh, cousin, I’m so sorry you’re disappointed. I know a part of you is. I can only imagine how you must’ve felt, the very idea of it. It is for the better though, you do realize that?” Kun suggests and Renjun sighs and he nods.

“I know,” Renjun says. “I know it’s not possible, and there’s much to be happy about but… still. There was a chance and I guess, I wasn’t happy so much as I had accepted it. Wouldn’t have been so terrible to me.” 

“Will you tell him?” Kun asks and Renjun agrees. 

“I will. I’ll ask him over tomorrow night. If that’s alright?” He says, hesitantly and Kun nods in agreement. 

“Of course, it is. This is your home as much as it is mine. Do try to be gentle with him when you break the news though,” Kun insists and Renjun tilts his head, curious. “It’s not really a secret but I suppose Johnny’s hadn’t the chance to tell you yet. He’s always wished for a family, settling down in a little house with kids of his own. You might find you’re not the only one just a tad disappointed by this news.” 

Renjun heads into town that evening, the tavern still open, though the customer count is dwindling, nothing more than a few of the dunkards in town and the boys loitering around the place. He walks in and his eyes find Johnny immediately, bussing down a few of the tables as they ready to close up soon. Renjun takes a bit of a deep breath before walking over to him, gently tapping him on the back when he’s close enough. 

It takes his breath away, the way Johnny lights up when he sees him. Renjun wishes to press a kiss to his lips, a shy little greeting, but they can’t do that here. 

“What a pleasant surprise,” he says. “What’re you doing here?” 

“I wanted to speak with you,” Renjun says. “But it’s a bit of a long conversation. Would you mind coming to the estate tomorrow?” Johnny’s brow furrows, a frown pulling at the corners of his lips. “Oh come now, don’t look so upset. It’s just a conversation. What do you say you close up a bit early tomorrow, or put one of the boys in charge. It’s a rather important conversation.” 

Johnny’s eyes widen a bit in understanding. 

“I can do that. What time shall I arrive?” 

“Six, before sunset. Kun should be finishing up with his last patient, we shouldn’t be bothered.” Johnny nods once. “I’ll be expecting you,” Renjun tells him and he rests a hand on Johnny’s arm briefly, letting it linger before pulling away. “Don’t keep me waiting,” he says, quietly, so softly it’s almost lost under the low chatter of conversation in the room. 

“I won’t,” Johnny assures him. “You should head back, it’s getting late. Best you not stay out too late,” Johnny tells him and Renjun offers him a fond smile. 

“I think I can take care of myself, but thank you, John,” Renjun says and Johnny huffs a laugh. “Tomorrow?” 

“I’ll be there,” Johnny promises and Renjun weaves his way out of the tavern, the door shutting softly behind him. He has only a moment before Guanheng comes up to him, resting an arm on Johnny’s shoulder despite being several centimeters shorter. 

“What’s all that about?” He asks and Johnny gives him a critical look. 

“Delivering a message to me from the doctor. Not that that’s any of your business,” Johnny points out and Guanheng huffs before pulling away. “Interesting to me that I hired a busboy and yet I am the one bussing tables. You have a bit of work to do, don’t you think?” Johnny points out and Guanheng heaves a great sigh before walking away, Johnny shaking his head at the kid before going back to taking care of his own table. 

Johnny spends much of the next day distracted. He tries not to let his mind get ahead of him but he can’t help it. He can only imagine one reason Renjun might want to have a conversation and both outcomes weigh heavily on his mind. 

He hopes, despite the slight sting of disappointment it brings, that Renjun isn’t pregnant. Johnny knows that’s the best option for them. They’re barely courting as it is and to bring a child into his world after such a sudden and risky decision, it’s a terrible idea. They can’t afford it, monetarily nor socially.

Even so, there’s a small part of Johnny, a part so miniscule he hasn’t even said it out loud lest he jinx it, that hopes that Renjun is. That Renjun carries a part of himself inside of him. It’s a dangerous thought, wanting something so risky, but he can’t help it. The singular chance that Renjun, his beautiful, darling, most precious Renjun, might bear a child of his; it’s a beautiful thought. 

Johnny tells the others that the doctor is expecting him that evening and puts Yuta in charge of closing up shop. Yuta agrees, tells him to take better care of himself or he wouldn’t be going to the doctor so much. Johnny leaves at half past five and hopes he doesn’t show up too terribly early. 

Kun barely pays him any mind and directs him to the third floor, a knowing glint in his eyes. Johnny, nervous as he is to admit it, knows it’s for the best that Kun know about Renjun and himself but it still unsettles him rather deeply. Johnny tries not to think too hard of the first time he saw even a glimpse of Renjun’s naked form when he gets to the second floor landing, though his eyes glance to the bathroom door of their own accord. 

The third floor is rather tiny and houses only a few rooms. One of the doors is cracked, light spilling from inside. Johnny approaches slowly, pushing open the door hesitantly. 

Renjun is inside, though he doesn’t notice Johnny immediately. He’s sitting on a small seat under his window, a book in his lap and wearing nothing but a nightshirt. Johnny lets his eyes wander for a moment, the length of Renjun’s legs, so long and pretty, stretched out on the cushioned seat. He pulls the door mostly closed but not all the way, lest the sound alert Renjun.

He’s clearly in his own world, fingers of his right hand pressed to his lips, left hand holding the book open in his lap. He’s wearing reading glasses, thin, silver framed things that have fallen to the end of his nose, a darling little crescent moon shape. His hair is a bit fluffy, falling around his face in stunning waves and Johnny itches to brush it back behind his ear. 

“Renjun?” Johnny says and Renjun lifts his head. Oh, he’s so beautiful, looking at Johnny with those big, almond eyes, glasses barely hanging on at the very tip of his button nose, fingers still resting against his lower lip. “I thought you would be expecting me.” 

“Is it that late already?” Renjun says, reaching over for his pocket watch. It’s an ornate silver thing, sat on a small table next to him, a teacup and saucer sitting next to it, very obviously barely touched. He flicks it open with his thumb. “Oh, goodness. I’m so sorry, Johnny,” he says, setting it back down. He’s delicate as he handles his book, wedging a marker into the pages before closing it, taking his glasses off. “I’m afraid that happens sometimes. I start reading and I just lose track of everything around me.” 

Johnny comes closer then, kneeling in front of where Renjun sits. Renjun sets his things down on the table slowly before turning to face Johnny head on. Johnny lets his hands skim up Renjun’s legs, from his ankles, over his calves, his knees, caressing his thighs gently before lifting his eyes to Renjun’s. Renjun has brought his lower lip between his teeth and Johnny reaches for his hands, tugging them close to press kisses to the back of them. 

“I find that terribly endearing,” Johnny says and Renjun scoffs a laugh. 

“You say that now. You’ll find it terribly annoying when I forget to make dinner, mark my words,” Renjun says, and in the most casual manner. As though he’s already planned for this future, Renjun reading well past sunset only to realize he’s still not made dinner, causing him to apologize profusely when Johnny comes home. Johnny thinks he would still find it endearing, the way Renjun can lose himself so wholeheartedly in a book that nothing else matters. 

“I think any future with you is just fine by me,” Johnny says, pressing another kiss to the back of his hand. “But I suppose that’s why you asked me here, isn’t it?” 

“It… is,” Renjun says, offering a nervous smile. “Come on now, you shouldn’t sit on the floor. You’ll hurt your knees that way.” 

Johnny laughs despite the seriousness of the topic they’re about to discuss and lets Renjun pull him to his feet. They move only so far as his bed, sitting on the edge of it together. Renjun seems nervous to continue, tangling and untangling his fingers together. Johnny reaches over gently, taking Renjun’s hands in his again, turning to face him. 

“You can tell me anything,” Johnny says and Renjun offers him only a shy smile. “No matter what it is. No matter what the outcome is, I’m not going anywhere.” 

“It’s really… it’s silly really because… I’m not pregnant,” Renjun says and Johnny’s eyes widen a bit. 

It’s a blessing, a relief to find out. He’s felt like he was walking on eggshells for the past several weeks, unsure of what he was doing, what he would do. Johnny is thankful that Renjun isn’t pregnant, he really, truly is but his eyes dart away and Renjun squeezes his hands gently. Johnny’s eyes meet his once more and Renjun looks so sympathetic. 

“This is good,” Johnny says but it lacks conviction. 

“I know,” Renjun replies, and he sounds as sad as Johnny thinks he might be feeling. A little regretful for being so upset, tone tinged with a disappointment of what could have been. “You don’t have to pretend with me, though. A part of me, a small part of me, started thinking it wouldn’t have been so bad. I thought I was just coping with the idea of having a child but… I think I really would’ve liked to parent a child with you, Johnny. I’m sorry the timing was all wrong and it’s best that we not but…” 

“Oh sweetheart,” Johnny says, lifting a hand to cup Renjun’s cheek. Renjun looks so sad it breaks Johnny’s heart a bit. “We have so much time for that. You’re still young and while I may not be as spry as I once was I made you a promise, didn’t I?” He says and Renjun nods, lips turning up a bit at the corners with a real smile. “I meant it when I said and I mean it now. One day, I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll give you that family, those perfect children. Half yours and half mine. I promise you,” Johnny says and Renjun is properly smiling, a close lipped little thing but a real smile. 

Johnny leans down to kiss that smile and Renjun reaches up to hold onto his shoulder. 

Johnny tugs Renjun back into the bed, Renjun pulling away to crawl up the length of it while Johnny scoots back to lean against the headboard. Renjun sits himself right on Johnny’s lap and Johnny’s hands find the bare skin of Renjun’s thighs, touching, squeezing, caressing while Renjun leans forward again, hands on Johnny’s shoulders. Their lips meet sweetly and Johnny’s hands wander, from his thighs to his hips, up his waist, crawling up Renjun’s night clothes. He realizes when his hands skim over Renjun’s hips that he’s completely bare underneath his night clothes and there’s a heat in Johnny’s groin that wasn’t there before. 

“Perhaps this is a blessing after all,” Johnny mumbles against his lips and Renjun pulls back to look at him. “Now we have more time. To get to know each other.” His hands squeeze Renjun’s hips, pulling his body tighter to Johnny’s, the rough fabric of Johnny’s trousers pressed against the sensitive skin of Renjun’s sex. Renjun gasps, sharp and surprised, the noise morphing into a muffled moan as he bites his lips and rocks his hips forward. “A little more intimately as well,” Johnny suggests, leaning forward to start kissing Renjun’s neck, mouthing along his skin. 

“Johnny, Kun’s just downstairs,” Renjun reminds him. 

“Then it’s best we be quiet, isn’t it?” Johnny says. Shifting slightly, Renjun moves to accommodate Johnny’s movements, finding himself straddling one of Johnny’s thighs, hands on Johnny’s shoulders still, but their chests pressed close. Johnny is taking liberties on Renjun’s skin, kissing and mouthing, not hard enough to leave marks but in the most erotic of ways, making Renjun’s hips kick and buck on Johnny’s thigh, fabric rough and friction heavy against his dampening vulva. 

Renjun is panting softly, so quietly, mouth next to Johnny’s ear as Johnny keeps kissing him, helping Renjun rock his hips against his thigh, finding quiet satisfaction in the way Renjun’s fingers are digging into his shoulders. 

“Joh- oh, Johnny,” Renjun whispers. “I- it feels so good. I feel-” 

“What, darling?” Johnny asks, voice soft and dark in Renjun’s ear. 

“I feel so wet,” he moans and Johnny takes his lips in a bruising kiss. He kisses Renjun with reckless abandon, moving a hand to cradling Renjun’s neck and jaw, thumb against the hinge of it to coax him to open his mouth wider. When Renjun does, Johnny licks into his mouth, kissing him so dirty and filthy, tasting every corner of Renjun’s mouth that he has access to. 

A thought occurs to him as he pulls away from the kiss, Renjun’s lips spit slick. 

“Darling,” he whispers and Renjun’s eyes flutter open so gorgeously, “I want to do something for you. Will you let me? Do you trust me?” 

Preposterous to think he might not but Renjun can tell that Johnny needs to hear it. And he feels so good already, so pleasure drunk and warm he can’t imagine Johnny doing anything for him that he wouldn’t like. He’s never felt pleasure like this, never experienced a feeling so good in his life, he knows somewhere in his very soul that he can trust Johnny with him, with his body. 

“Yes. Yes, I trust you. You can have whatever you want,” he whispers and Johnny’s heart skips a beat in his chest. 

Maybe he’s not the only one so deep in this he feels as though he could drown in it. 

He’s gentle with Renjun, the friction of his trousers having set every single nerve ending in Renjun’s sex on fire. He’s already wet and Johnny can’t help the way his eyes linger on the way his skin is glistening with it in the low light of the oil lamp. The sunset is painting the room a rosey orange as well and when Renjun is splayed across his bed like this, he looks like something magnificent. 

Johnny notices now that he’s left the door open and makes to close it, a blush coming up on Renjun’s cheeks as he notices as well. Johnny climbs back onto the bed a moment later, getting down on his stomach between Renjun’s legs. Renjun tilts his head at him, curious as to what he has in mind. Johnny lowers his mouth, kissing Renjun’s stomach, his hips, his lower stomach, slowly moving down. He rests his hands on the inside of Renjun’s thighs, pressing kisses there before making his way back up. 

He makes sure Renjun is watching before he lowers his mouth to Renjun’s wet cunt, sticking his tongue out to lick a thick stripe up his slit. Renjun gasps, a shaky thing leaving his mouth in surprise. Johnny keeps eye contact as he finds Renjun’s clit again, wrapping his lips around it before sucking. His hands anchor Renjun to the bed while Renjun arches, fingers twisting the sheets, biting his lips to control the sound he wants to let out. 

“Johnny,” Renjun finally says, coming back into himself a moment later. He still sounds shaky, like he doesn’t quite know how to handle this feeling. Johnny pulls back, kitten licking his sensitive bundle of nerves for only a moment longer, Renjun shivering with pleasure. He reaches for Renjun’s hands, threading their fingers together. 

“Yes, love?” Johnny asks, mouth hovering in front of Renjun’s wet vulva. 

“You- you want this? You like this?” Renjun asks and Johnny nods, rubbing his cheek against the soft inside of Renjun’s thigh. 

“I do,” he lifts his eyes, honey brown turned so dark it takes Renjun’s breath away. “Taeyong taught me. I find it absolutely incredible, the way I can make you feel so good with my mouth. May I keep going? I want to make you feel good, lovely. I want you to come apart on my tongue.” 

It’s absolutely wicked, the things Johnny is saying. Not to mention, Renjun can barely imagine how this is enjoyable for Johnny but he’s intrigued, to say the least. He does feel incredible, he’s never experienced a kind of unadulterated pleasure like he did when Johnny had his mouth on him. He wants to know more, he wants to give this to Johnny because while he may not be entirely sold he’s more than willing to try. Especially if it’s going to feel half as good as it already has. 

“Okay,” Renjun agrees. “If this is what you want.”

“It is. Do you like it?” Johnny asks, eyes so big as he looks up at Renjun for approval. 

“I do. Keep going.” 

Johnny moves one of Renjun’s hands to his hair, releasing their fingers so he can rest it against Renjun’s hip again. The others remain together, resting next to his thigh on the bed. Renjun watches as Johnny lowers his mouth to his sex again, and this time it’s quite a bit less of a shock. It’s still jarring, the wet and warm feeling of Johnny’s tongue, his soft, plush lips on Renjun’s folds, the pleasure that laces it’s way through his system.

The sounds are vulgar, wet noises as he mouths at Renjun’s already dripping wet skin, slick leaking from his cunt that Johnny seems more than willing to lap up, dragging his tongue along the folds of Renjun’s sex. Somehow it only turns Renjun on more, squeezing Johnny’s hand tightly while his other hand tightening in Johnny’s hair. When he does, Johnny moans into his skin, the vibrations making him feel as though his skin has been lit on fire. 

He feels it, the moment Johnny’s tongue enters him and he resists the urge to buck up, not that he thinks he could, given the way Johnny is holding him down. Johnny’s tongue pushes into him, stroking along his walls and entrance, only to pull out a moment later. It’s a weird but so pleasurable feeling and when Johnny starts sucking on him again, Renjun almost convulses with how good it feels. 

“I’m- oh god,” Renjun says, trying to be quiet. 

He knows that there are other people in this manor and the walls aren’t exactly thick. He knows that if he makes too much noise someone will surely know what they’re up to up here, but it’s so hard. Everything Johnny does makes him want to moan, want to sigh and whimper and say his name. It feels so unbelievably wonderful and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt so close to climax so quickly in his life. 

He whines a warning, no words, just a high pitched noise that he tries to muffle by biting at his lips. Johnny doesn’t let up though, if anything he sucks harder, drags his tongue along his skin slower and when Renjun peaks with a little gasp, he still doesn’t stop. He licks at Renjun as he falls apart, humming softly into Renjun’s cunt as he laps up what Renjun gives him. 

Johnny lifts his eyes, sees Renjun looking at him with the most beautifully blissed out expression on his face and pulls away slowly. Renjun notices the way his slick clings to Johnny’s face, his cheeks, chin, lips and the tip of his nose all shiny with it. Johnny lifts his sleeve to wipe it away and Renjun scrambles up to his knees, tugging him down into a kiss. 

He tastes bitter and a little sour, but it’s not altogether awful. Renjun doesn’t understand how Johnny enjoys this so much but he kisses him all the same, eager to find out what about him makes Johnny want to put his mouth down there. Johnny moans softly, holding onto Renjun’s biceps until Renjun pulls away. 

“I don’t understand,” Renjun says. 

“You don’t?” Johnny asks. “That’s too bad. I think you taste delicious, my dear,” he says before kissing him again, sending them toppling back into the bed. Renjun breaks the kiss with a bark of laughter, causing Johnny to divert his attention to Renjun’s neck. 

“Oh, but you,” Renjun says, pushing at Johnny’s shoulder. Johnny follows his gaze to where he’s hard in his trousers, quite obviously fully erect. “You didn’t get anything out of it,” Renjun says, looking worried. 

“I got everything I wanted, darling,” Johnny says. “You needn’t worry about me.” 

“But I do,” Renjun says. “Let me,” he tells him. 

That’s how Johnny ends up on his back in Renjun’s bed, Renjun sitting pretty in his lap while he tugs on the laces of his trousers. Johnny is powerless to stop him, the single minded determination of Renjun’s hands going to pull apart his pants making him hot. It’s mercilessly sexy, the way Renjun wants him, tugging at his clothes until Johnny is dressed down, shirt on the floor, trousers and undergarments tugged down to his thighs, hard cock standing proudly between them. 

Renjun doesn’t hesitate, wrapping his fingers around him. It’s dry, not at all ideal, but Johnny likes looking at the way his hard cock looks in Renjun’s hand. Renjun’s hands are small, delicate looking and Johnny’s stomach jumps at the size difference, Renjun working his long, thick cock over without a shred of hesitance. 

“You always tell me I’m beautiful, Johnny, but you must have no idea how handsome you are.” Johnny tears his eyes away from Renjun’s hands and his cock to look into Renjun’s eyes, Renjun looking at him intently. “You are. So handsome. I don’t know how anyone hasn’t taken you yet.” 

“But I’m glad,” he continues, working over Johnny’s cock until it begins leaking, translucent beads of liquid coming from the tip of his cock, smoothing the movement of Renjun’s hand. “I’m so lucky, getting to have you. I can’t imagine what I’ve done right, perhaps in a past life. You’re so handsome and kind and lovely. And I want you all the time. The way you take me is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.” 

Between the way Renjun is speaking to him and the pressure around his cock, Johnny feels like he can’t get enough air in his lungs. He feels strung tight already and his cock is leaking terribly now, Renjun’s fingers flexing and squeezing and stroking around him. 

“I’ve never had pleasure like that.” Johnny fears for what Renjun will say next because he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to handle it. “That night, when you made love to me, I’ll never forget it. The way it felt when you touched me, when you held me, what you felt like inside.” Johnny bites back a groan, digging his fingers into Renjun’s hips. “What it felt like when you filled me up. I want to do it again. Will you do it again, Johnny, one day?” 

“One day,” Johnny breaths. “I promise. Oh, goodness,” He sighs, tipping his head back. “Please, Renjun.” 

Renjun twists his wrist on the upstroke and Johnny thinks he might just die in this bed, with Renjun’s fingers so tight around his hard cock. What a heavenly way to die.

“Let go, Johnny. Let go for me,” he whispers, mouth suddenly so close to Johnny’s ear and Johnny grunts, body jerking and convulsing as he spills over Renjun’s hand, thick and warm. Renjun looks on in amazement, slowly stroking Johnny’s cock until he’s spent, pearly white liquid all over Johnny’s stomach, hips and Renjun’s hand. 

“So beautiful,” Renjun says this time, pressing kisses down Johnny’s neck while he catches his breath. “Absolutely breathtaking.” 

Renjun cleans them up with his wash basin, gently and carefully. The sun has long since died outside the window by the time they’re done, and Johnny doesn’t think twice about pulling up the blankets, pulling Renjun into his chest. His shirt is still on the floor though his undergarments and trousers are back on properly. Renjun is a steady weight against his side, his head resting on Johnny’s shoulder and Johnny doesn’t want to leave. 

“I want that future,” Johnny says and Renjun tilts his head up to look at him, cheek against Johnny’s shoulder. He’s not looking at Renjun, instead playing with Renjun’s fingers where their hands are resting on his stomach, his opposite arm wrapped around Renjun’s shoulders. “I want to come home and find that you’ve wasted the whole day away in a book. I want to fall into bed together in the evening. I want kids and a house and you,” he looks to Renjun then, a shy little smile on his face. “Always you. No matter what, I want my future to have you in it.” 

“That’s a very ambitious thing to want,” Renjun says and Johnny chuckles softly. 

“I don’t think so. It may seem out of reach now, but it’s not impossible. We may not be able to marry or be seen in the eyes of the church as something worthy but their opinions don’t matter to me. You matter to me.” Johnny picks up Renjun’s hand then, holding it so gently and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “I don’t care if we can’t actually get married. You’re gonna get your ring, darling.” 

“You’re ridiculous,” Renjun tells him through laughter but Johnny presses a kiss to the base of his ring finger, looking him right in the eye. 

“I promise. I know I must sound absolutely ridiculous, but I’m making you a promise. One day I will put a ring on your pretty finger. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Okay,” Renjun says. “But don’t you dare get me a diamond, that’s silly.” 

“What would you like instead?” He asks, threading their fingers together. 

“I don’t want a stone.” 

“Not at all?” Johnny asks, brows lifting. 

“No,” Renjun says decisively. “A simple silver band. That’s all. Nothing fancy, none of that pomp. Something pretty and elegant.” 

“Like you?” Johnny says and Renjun shakes his head before stealing a kiss from his lips. 

Life in town is quiet. It always has been but it seems to remain much the same way and Renjun is silently thankful. He supposed it might not be all bad, living out here. It’s not a permanent situation, not at all, if he wants to remain with Johnny, but it is nice for the time being. 

He continues to go to the market stalls, resumes playing with the boys after citing a rather painful stomach ailment, something Chenle neither confirms nor denies when Renjun says it. He has lunch with Xuxi and visits Yangyang and Dejun in the peach orchard and things are not so bad. 

They’re only made better by the inclusion of Johnny in his life. Secret rendezvous at night, meeting down by the river to spend hours tangled up in each other, kissing and touching and telling each other their deepest, darkest secrets. They share themselves this way, Renjun’s love of painting even above books and how Johnny once picked up a guitar only to put it back down when he realized that wasn’t the future for him. Johnny comes to the estate frequently, under the guise of going to see Kun. 

It’s a believable excuse, one that Kun plays along with because even he can see the effect Johnny is having on Renjun. 

Renjun has never been a particularly sombre person, he’s always had that wit about him, that sharpness that caused him to stick out from the crowd. That being said, his outlook on his life, perhaps not life itself but his own, had always been a little glass half empty. Living a life of predominantly forced solitude will do that to a person and it brings Kun great joy to see Renjun stepping out of himself, trying new things, blossoming into a new person. 

Yes, he has friends now, ones he’s made himself as well as Chenle’s but to see Renjun in love. It’s nothing Kun ever thought he would.

It’s almost comical, the way Renjun will walk with a skip in his step, almost lighter than air after having seen Johnny. And to know that Johnny feels the same, as is obvious in the way he reacts to seeing Renjun. His whole face lights up, can barely contain himself when they’re around each other. Though discreet in public, in private Kun has witnessed something so unlike either of them it makes his heart full. To see them finding what they’ve always looked for in one another. 

He doesn’t expect it to culminate into something like this. 

Kun has barely opened the door when he’s struck across the face. It’s the last thing he was expecting, so sudden and abrupt that it sends him off balance. He stumbles back, hears Jungwoo gasp somewhere off to his left and lifts a hand to his cheek. 

Kun has had his fair share of unhappy clientele. Being a doctor isn’t about making people happy, it’s about making people healthy, better than how they came to him. He’s been cursed at, spit at, yelled at and all sorts of other things, he’s used to those things. But he can’t say he’s ever been struck before so it takes a moment for him to gather his bearings, finally lifting his eyes to see who’s done it. 

He doesn’t expect to look up and see Ten slamming his door shut behind him, tears in his eyes. 

“Ten,” Kun gasps, straightening up. 

“You bastard,” Ten curses at him and Kun turns his head to see Jungwoo standing stock still in the other room, hand over his mouth in shock. 

“Jungwoo, you should go,” Kun says. Jungwoo looks as though he’s about to object but Kun only shakes his head. “Please, Jungwoo, I’ll be fine. This is between Ten and myself. Go on.” Jungwoo still doesn’t look convinced but he does grab his bag and slip out the door, carefully walking around Ten, still staring at Kun with his eyes glittering with unshed tears. The door shuts softly and Kun breathes a deep breath. 

“Ten-” 

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” He asks and Kun still hasn’t the slightest as to what Ten is going on about. “Did you think you could just string me along, a pretty little puppet to fill the hours while you’re not able to see him? Am I nothing more than a whore that you think so low you won’t even bed?” 

“What are you talking about?” Kun asks, finally, reaching for him. Ten flings his arms away from Kun’s reaching hands. “Ten, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Who do you mean? What is going on?” 

“The whole town’s been talking,” Ten says and Kun looks at him in distress. “You and Johnny have been spending an awful lot of time together lately, haven’t you?” He asks and Kun’s eyes widen in surprise. 

He knows what he must look like, guilty on all charges, and that’s the worst part. Because he wants to tell Ten the truth, wants to reassure Ten that it’s truly not what it seems, but what is he to say? If he tells Ten that, he has to come up with an explanation and he has none that doesn’t spill Johnny and Renjun’s secret. Just telling Ten that Johnny’s been seeing him for his insomnia won’t be enough, it’s clear that Ten knows something is happening. 

Goodness, the whole town…

“Ten, please, it’s not like that.” And the scoff Ten lets out is so wet and distraught Kun feels the tug on his heartstrings. “Tennie, you have to listen to me. Johnny and I aren’t involved, I swear to you. Johnny and I aren’t like that, he’s just a patient of mine. His- his insomnia’s gotten worse-” 

“You’re still going to use the insomnia excuse,” Ten says, lips trembling. “I’m sure he’s got quite the insomnia. Tell me, how difficult is it for him to sleep in your bed? Does fucking you put him right out? Or does he prefer to catch,” Ten says, stepping into Kun’s space. Kun stumbles back in surprise, heat rising up his neck. 

“I’m not sleeping with Johnny!” Kun says and it’s much too loud but he’s aghast by the very suggestion. There’s footsteps but Kun doesn’t pay it any mind. “How could you think that? You really think that lowly of me?” 

“What am I supposed to think? Johnny always in your house, for months on end he’s been coming here and suddenly he’s here all the time, in and out like this place is his own personal brothel,” Ten spits. “What did it, Kun? What pushed you the rest of the way into Johnny’s loving arms? Was I too cold, too impersonal? Did I not give you enough?” 

“No, Tennie, please,” Kun tells him, reaching for him again. Ten doesn’t fight him off his time and Kun rests a hand on his arm, the other on his cheek. He’s crying now, has been for minutes, hot angry tears rolling down his cheeks that Kun tries to thumb away. “Ten, please, don’t do this. It’s you, doll, it’s always been you, always will be.” 

“You haven’t even taken me to bed yet,” Ten whispers. “Is that it? You find everything about me beautiful except that? Do I disgust you like I disgust the church?" 

“Don’t speak of yourself that way,” Kun says, cradling his cheek so gently. “You are the most precious thing to me, don’t you see?” 

“Then why?” Ten asks and Kun hates this. “Why won’t you tell me? He’s in here all the time, and I want to believe you, I do but what can I do when the evidence is right in front of me. Why is he always here if not to see you?” 

“Ten-” 

“To see me.” 

Kun turns to see Renjun on the stairs, coming down ever so slowly. Ten looks to Renjun as well, his gaze snapping back and forth between the two of them. 

“Renjun-” Kun says but Renjun only shakes his head as he steps onto the first floor. 

“No, he needs to know. I can’t sit here and let my own indiscretions ruin something you care so much about,” Renjun says and Kun looks pained beyond recognition. “Ten,” Renjun says, straightening to face Ten head on. Ten’s brow is still furrowed, tears still sticking to his lashes. “Johnny doesn’t come here to see Kun. Johnny comes here to see me. We’ve been seeing each other, in secret.” 

“Oh,” Ten sighs. 

“Kun has been playing along, telling people that Johnny’s insomnia has gotten worse, that Johnny’s been staying around so Kun can check on his symptoms, but it’s just not true. Johnny and I started seeing each other a couple of months back and he’s been coming here to see me,” Renjun explains. “I never- I never thought this would go so horribly.” 

“Renjun, you mustn’t blame yourself,” Kun tells him but Renjun looks to him, eyes already wet. 

“Shouldn’t I? All this mess, it’s my fault.” 

“Renjun,” Ten finally speaks and Renjun turns to look at him. “Oh, sweetheart. Please don’t be upset. I don’t blame you for this. I just- the very idea of it was so upsetting. This isn’t your fault.” 

“I’ve hurt you,” Renjun states. “And I’ve hurt Kun, and Johnny’s name is being thrown around in senseless town rumors. I think I’ve done quite enough damage here, don’t you think?” Renjun doesn’t wait for an answer, turns on his heel and heads upstairs. Ten makes to follow him but Kun only holds fast to his waist. 

“Don’t chase after him. He won’t want to speak about it. He’s quite… bullheaded, sometimes,” Kun sighs. He looks at Ten then and sees a fresh wave of tears in his eyes. “None of that, doll,” Kun says. He pulled out his handkerchief to wipe at his eyes, a water laugh escaping Ten. “Don’t cry, my love. Please don’t cry.” 

“I called you a liar,” he cries. “I said you betrayed me and all but called you a whore. You should hate me,” Ten says but Kun continues to wipe his wet eyes with focus, despite the reddening mark on his cheek. 

“But I don’t,” Kun says. He lowers the handkerchief when most of the wetness is gone. Ten sniffles while Kun tugs him in, arms around his waist. “I never could hate you, my love.” He presses the gentlest kisses to Ten’s forehead, Ten’s eyes fluttering closed so Kun can press kisses to his eyelids as well. “I’m so sorry you felt like this. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you the truth. But I love you, Ten. I do, really, I do. I feel as though… maybe I don’t say it enough.” 

“I hit you,” Ten sighs when Kun pulls back and he flinches when Ten’s fingers ghost over where he smacked him just minutes earlier. “I hit you and you’re saying you love me. You’re a stupid man.” Kun huffs a laugh because this is just like his Ten. 

“Perhaps,” Kun says and leans in to kiss Ten anyway, Ten’s fingers resting so gently on his cheek. 

“I love you too,” Ten whispers. “I love you so much, it scares me.” 

“Don’t be afraid,” Kun tells him. “Please don’t be afraid.” 

By the time Ten has calmed down and Kun has walked him home (stopping briefly at Jungwoo’s to assure him he’s quite alright and he shouldn’t worry about reporting Ten to the council), Kun hopes Renjun has calmed down a bit. He climbs the stairs slowly, getting up to the third floor, only to hear things being thrown around. He rushes for Renjun’s room only to stop short. 

Renjun has managed to unearth all four of his cases from when he moved out of storage and has two of them open on the floor. He’s already emptied out half of his closet and there’s a drawer pulled all the way open on his dresser. Half of the things from on top of his dresser are already wrapped up and placed in the cases, photos and paintings and knickknacks. Kun is frozen for only a moment before he spots Renjun rummaging through his closet, pulling things off hangers and tossing them in his cases. 

“Renjun,” Kun says, jumping over his open suitcases. “Renjun, Renjun, stop,” Kun says, taking hold of Renjun’s hands. “Renjun, what are you doing?” Kun asks, panic rising in his throat. 

“I’m leaving,” Renjun says decisively. “I told you this would be a bad idea, I told you to just let me live out there, stay out there, in the country, where I can’t hurt anyone. If I hadn’t moved here none of this ever would’ve happened, the pregnancy scare, your fight with Ten, rumors about you and Johnny, none of it. You said mother and father took me out there and that it wasn’t in my best interest, but maybe it was. Maybe they always knew that I couldn’t live out here, with other people.” 

“Don’t say that,” Kun tells him, immediately. “You can. You should. You can’t live your whole life out there in the country by yourself. That’s a terribly lonely existence and if you hadn’t come here you wouldn’t have met the boys, Xuxi, Yangyang, Dejun. You never would’ve met Johnny.” 

“And what good has that done Johnny?!” Renjun asks, sounding hysteric. “I’ve done nothing but cause him problems and now you and Ten. You can’t stop me from moving back to the estate, I’m leaving.” 

“What will you tell the others? What will you tell Johnny?” Kun asks and Renjun stops for only a moment before looking Kun in the eyes, defiant.

“Nothing. I won’t tell him anything.” 

“Renjun-” 

“If he knows he will follow me,” Renjun says. “I can’t let him do that. I can’t let him throw his whole life away just to follow after me because he thinks he’s in love with me. He can settle down here, with someone else. He’ll forget about me.” 

“Do you not see the way he looks at you?” Kun asks and Renjun looks away. “He looks at you like you hung the moon. Like you painted all the stars in his sky. If you don’t tell him, if you just disappear without a trace, you’re going to break his heart.” 

“All the better for getting over me.” 

Kun spends every waking moment he has trying to talk sense into Renjun. He hates that Renjun is so stubborn, ignores every word he says in order to handle his leave. He packs most all of his things within a week. Kun has half a mind to unpack all of it himself, force Renjun to stay in town but he knows it won’t change Renjun’s mind, it’ll only make his cousin distrust him. 

Renjun tells no one he is moving back home. That’s the worst part to Kun, that Renjun is just up and leaving everything he’s cultivated in this town behind. He goes to lunch with Xuxi and looks the same. He roughs around with the rascal boys in town and doesn’t say a thing. When he goes to the tavern he acts as though nothing is different and it makes Kun want to tear his hair out. 

He wants to take Renjun by the shoulders, shake him and say, “Don’t you see! How do you not see! All these people, all of them love you! What are you thinking?!” 

Renjun claims he is ready to go within the fortnight, all of his things packed, all of his items stored away, a carriage man set to take him away in the morning. Kun is still upset with him and Chenle doesn’t even want to speak with him until the next morning but Renjun has made up his mind and is leaving come morning. 

“Will you at least see him, one last time?” Kun tells him and Renjun rubs the pad of his middle finger over the base of his opposite ring finger. 

Johnny promised him a ring not so long ago. It’s unfortunate he’ll never get to wear it. 

“Alright,” Renjun agrees. 

Renjun finds it almost funny, how predictable a place Johnny hides his spare key, lets himself into Johnny’s flat above the tavern, keeping an eye out to make sure no one sees him. He sets the key on the table when he gets inside, wanders around for a moment. 

He hasn’t spent much time here. Most of their meetings have been at Kun’s estate, out of town, a little safer. It’s a cozy little thing, warm colors, a small sitting room and even smaller kitchen, doesn’t even have a proper dining table. His gaze turns to the short hall that hosts his restroom and bedroom and Renjun remembers that part quite well. He can still remember the way he kissed Johnny, the way Johnny kissed him back as they stumbled through this apartment until Johnny laid him out on his bed. 

Fitting, that this would be the last place he would see him. 

He waits around for a short while before Johnny comes in and stops short in the doorway. Renjun offers him a little smile, Johnny shutting the door quickly behind himself. 

“Renjun-” 

“Hello, dear,” Renjun says, crossing the door to get to him. “Have you missed me?” 

“Terribly,” Johnny says, a little smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “But why are you here? We always meet at the manor, what if someone saw you-” 

“I was quite careful,” Renjun assures him. Standing in front of him, Renjun rests his hands on Johnny’s chest, sliding them up to wrap around Johnny’s neck. Johnny’s hands find his waist, as they always do, warm and comforting and Renjun presses his lips to Johnny’s without second thought. 

This. He’ll miss this the most, he thinks, kissing Johnny. He’ll miss the way Johnny kisses him so soundly, so sweetly, like he just knows exactly all the things Renjun likes. He’ll miss the way Johnny grips tightly to his waist, bends him backwards just a little when Renjun gets frisky, opening his mouth to taste every place in Renjun’s mouth he can reach. 

Renjun doesn’t care for pleasantries tonight. He doesn’t want to wait around and ask Johnny how his day was or try and make small talk, because this is his last night. He wants Johnny, he wants to give himself to Johnny the way he did those months ago, wholly and fully and damn the consequences. 

“Johnny,” Renjun whispers and when he pulls back he can see Johnny’s eyes have turned dark. “I want you to have me tonight.” 

“How?” 

“All of me.” Renjun places another kiss on his lips that Johnny reciprocates feverishly. “I want you to have all of me. I want you to take me like you did our first time. I want to feel you inside of me,” Renjun whispers the latter into Johnny’s ear and Johnny lets out a low groan. 

“Darling, I want that. But what about-” 

“Damn be the consequences. Please,” Renjun says and Johnny’s brow furrows in concern. “Please, I’ll ask you for nothing else. Never again. Just do this for me, just tonight. Make love to me,” he presses a feather light kiss to Johnny’s lips that makes his eyes flutter shut. 

“Only if you’re certain.” 

“I am.” 

When Johnny takes Renjun to bed that night he drags it out. Renjun feels as though he experiences pleasure for hours on end and perhaps he does, lying in Johnny’s sheets.

Johnny uses his fingers, then his mouth and when he finally pushes inside of Renjun, Renjun feels like he couldn’t possibly orgasm again. He finds he’s so, so wrong when Johnny thrusts into him so slowly and measuredly, so gently and sensually he can feel Johnny dragging along his walls. He can barely breathe as Johnny makes love to him, kissing and touching and biting and loving him until he feels like he’s going to cry. 

When he finally lets go, it feels like the end of all things. He clutches Johnny close to him, keeps him there, doesn’t let Johnny pull out and Johnny lets him, continues to whisper sweet nothings into his skin until they both come down. 

“Did you give me your child this time?” Renjun asks and Johnny hums against his neck. 

“I don’t know. Did you want me to?” 

“It would be a lovely thing,” Renjun says. It would be the best thing Johnny could ever give him.

Renjun is gone by morning. 

“Where is he?” Johnny asks, no time for small talk when Kun opens the door the next morning. 

Johnny looks distraught, yes, but underneath it he is angry. He is sad and heartbroken and Kun has a terrible sinking feeling that when Renjun went to see him last night he did not do as Kun hoped he would. Instead he has left Kun to deal with the fallout of his disappearance and that might just be the worst thing about all of this. 

“He’s gone,” Kun says. “He left this morning.” 

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Johnny states. “Where is he?” 

“He didn’t want you to follow him.” 

“Fuck what he wants, Kun, what about me? What about what I want?” Johnny asks, frustrated. Kun can only imagine. “You’re really going to stand there and not tell me where he is. You’re really going to act as though you don’t know when we both know damn well you do and just not tell me.” 

“He thought he was doing you a favor,” Kun says, evenly. “Renjun thought this the best solution for everyone.” 

“Do you know what he did last night?” Kun has a terrible feeling Johnny is going to tell him and it’s going to be awful. “He came to my apartment and he kissed me and asked me to make love to him. And when we did, he asked me if I gave him my child. What did he do that for, Kun? A parting gift?” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize, tell me where I can find him!” Johnny says and Kun closes his eyes briefly before opening them again, giving Johnny a hard look. 

“You owe me something before I do.” 

“What?” 

“You have to promise me that if I tell you where he is that you will not let him go. You have to promise me that if you’re going to go through all the trouble and all the effort of chasing him down, you will never break his heart. You show him how much you love him, you teach him what it’s like to be loved and never, ever make him doubt it. Renjun left because he was afraid, because so much of his life he thought himself a burden. He still blames himself for his mother and father going into hiding and let me be clear, my aunt and uncle, God bless their souls, were cowards. They were more afraid of the church than they were willing to love their child in a public manner. Renjun found something in you, something that made him entirely different, so much more open and loving and beautiful. Don’t exploit that.” 

“I love him,” Johnny says and Kun believes him. “I love him so much it tears me up inside to know that he thought he had to leave to… to protect me? To make my life easier? I don’t know but I love him so much I would go to the ends of the Earth for him if necessary. I promise all that and so much more, Kun. Just please,” Johnny says and for the first time in all the time Kun has known Johnny, he sees tears in the man’s eyes, “please, tell me where he is. Help me make this right.”

“Come in,” Kun says and Johnny blinks at him, confused. “C’mon, get in the house. If I’m to draw up directions for you we have to start soon. It’s a long trip and there’s supposed to be weather today.” 

Johnny finds it entirely typical that it begins raining on his way to the estate. And it’s not even a soft drizzle, it’s coming down in sheets, he can barely see, trying to shield his eyes to see where he’s going while also trying not to fall off his horse. It’s cold, he’s wet and miserable and he’s probably going to get sick because of this but he’s going to make it to the manor today.

Three hours on horseback is entirely doable in decent weather. It takes considerably longer when neither he nor the horse can truly see where they’re going and they’ve never gone this way before. He still has Kun’s written directions but if he even thinks of taking them out he’s sure to lose them to the rain. Johnny is truly just hoping for the best, the wind whipping around him, water falling into his eyes, soaking him to the bone while he rushes through the rain to get to the house. 

He sees it, a foggy, blurry silhouette on the horizon and he kicks the horse to get it to go faster, the horse galloping at top speed. This is the only estate out here, the only one he can imagine Renjun might be in all the way out here. 

He’s thankful to see a stable around the side of the house, ties the horse up, wiping rain from his eyes before running around to the front of the house. There’s hardly a stoop at all and the rain is starting to feel like pinpricks, pelting his already freezing cold skin. He bangs a hand on the door, hopeful that Renjun will hear him, even over the roar of the rain and thunder. 

Johnny stands out there for only a minute, though he resolves to stand out there for as long as it takes. When the door opens, Renjun reaches out for him and Johnny stumbles into the warm home, dripping wet and freezing cold. Renjun slams the door shut against the wind and rain and turns to look at Johnny. 

“What were you thinking?!” Renjun says. “You’re soaked to the bone, you must be freezing and how did you even get out here?! You’re gonna catch your death out there, do you realize that?!” 

Even though he’s shouting at him, Johnny just looks at him. It’s been a mere number of hours since he’s seen him but his heart aches. Really, truly, his heart did break when he woke up and found Renjun gone, his place in his bed cold. Renjun left a single note, a single _I’m sorry_ on his kitchen table and in that moment it felt as though Renjun took his entire heart with him when he left. 

“C’mon, you must be frigid, are you even listening to me, Johnny Suh!” Renjun yells and Johnny doesn’t think, doesn’t consider a thing, only reaches out and pulls Renjun into him, kissing him hard on the lips. Renjun makes a muffled noise against his lips but it lasts only a moment before he’s kissing Johnny back. 

It’s like they were made for each other, the way Renjun goes soft in his arms and Johnny knows the way this goes. Renjun’s hands on his shoulders and Johnny’s arms around his middle and their lips meeting once, twice, a hundred times before Johnny is licking into his mouth. He tastes just as he always has but paired with a mellow chocolate note that makes Johnny want more. 

“You left,” Johnny says into his mouth. “You left. Why did you do that?” 

“I had to.”

“No,” Johnny says and he means it. When he pulls back, Renjun’s clothing is soaked all down the front but he doesn’t look perturbed by it, only looks at Johnny with big, scared eyes. “You didn’t have to. You never had to. I promised you, I promised you so much. I meant it, I meant all of it. Let me give it to you.” 

“At what cost,” Renjun says. He disentangles himself from Johnny’s arms and brushes his hands down his front uselessly. “Get out of those clothes, I won’t have this conversation while you’re dripping rain water on my carpet. I’m going to get you a towel.” He pauses. “And change my clothes.” 

When Renjun returns with towels, he turns his face away from Johnny’s naked form despite having seen it in far more circumstances than this. Johnny takes two of them, wraps one around his waist while the other goes to his hair. He’s already hung his clothes by the fireplace to dry and Renjun moves over there rather than sit with Johnny. 

“Renjun.” 

“Why did you follow me? And why did Kun let you?” He asks, picking up Johnny’s shirt. He rings it out into a basin before shaking it out, only to repeat the motion. “I told him not to let you.” 

“You really wanted to get away from me that badly?” 

“I really wanted you to have a normal life,” Renjun says. He tosses Johnny’s shirt back up on the mantle, moving onto his breeches. “You can’t have that with me. And after all the trouble I’ve caused you-” 

“Trouble?” 

“Yes,” Renjun says. “Throwing myself at you in your tavern.” 

“That was the best night of my life.” 

“The pregnancy scare.” 

“I told you how I felt about it.” 

“And the rumors, about you and Kun?” Renjun says, turning to look at him. There’s a crease in Johnny’s brow. “The whole town was talking about it, Ten came to the house, slapped Kun silly because of it. People thought you and Kun were involved because you’d been over so often. I did that. This… all of it was my fault.” 

“You really believe that?” Johnny asks and Renjun turns back to his work, ringing out Johnny’s clothes again. “You were not the only one involved, I was there, I did all those things with you. You never forced my hand, I made all those decisions because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be with you. How can you sit there and blame yourself alone? You are not alone in this relationship.” 

“I just can’t help thinking that your life would’ve been easier if I hadn’t shown up,” Renjun says. He’s moved onto Johnny’s trousers and when he reaches a hand into the pocket, he stops short. He pulls out a small wooden box, fitting in the palm of his hand. It’s very pretty, wet from the rain but sporting silver ink along the outside, ornate and tiny. 

“Open it,” Johnny says. “Please.” 

Renjun sets Johnny’s trousers down and gently lifts the lid on the wooden box. It’s exactly what he asked Johnny for, a silver band, elegant and simple. There are delicate engravings in the band and it’s just so beautiful Renjun doesn’t even know what to say. When he turns to Johnny, Johnny is looking right at him, a resigned look on his face. 

“Junmyeon owed me a favor, I had him promise not to tell anyone. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” 

“Why?” 

“I promised you,” Johnny says. Renjun walks over to him and Johnny tugs Renjun in until Renjun stumbles over his feet, Johnny righting him to sit in his lap. Renjun’s fingers feel like hot brands on his still rain-cold skin, resting on his shoulder. Johnny takes the box from Renjun’s hand gently, removing the silver band from the cushion in the box. 

He slides the ring onto Renjun’s finger and Renjun gasps a sob. It looks so beautiful, and Johnny holds his hand, lifting it to press a kiss to the ring. 

“Just like you. So beautiful,” he says and Renjun feels the tears rolling over his cheeks. “Darling, I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me. I don’t care what the circumstances are or who says things behind my back. None of that matters to me because I love you.” Renjun looks to him and Johnny lifts a hand to brush away his tears. “I love you so damn much, you can’t even imagine. You’ve made my life worth living, you’ve brought me so much joy and happiness and when you left, it felt like my world was crashing down around me.” 

“I promised you one day,” Johnny says. He brushes his thumb over the ring. “This is my promise. This beautiful ring that means nothing in the eyes of the church but means everything to me. I’m promising you, right now, right this moment, that I love you and I always will. Until my last breath, I will love you and I never want you to doubt that.” 

“What about you? What about what you have?” 

“I have nothing if I don’t have you,” Johnny says and it’s so sincere Renjun’s heart aches. “Take me back? Have me, and all my imperfections and stubbornness and the things you could probably live without. Please take me back, darling. Please don’t run away from me.” 

“Take you back? I should be begging at your feet,” Renjun says and Johnny huffs a humorless laugh. 

“You don’t see it yet, do you? I would fall to my knees whenever you asked. I don’t need the church to approve of me because you are my church, darling. You are the most holy thing I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chp 3 coming very soon
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/sofarsoperfect)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sofarsoperfect)


	3. maybe i just wanna be yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnny sometimes feels as though he couldn’t ask for anything more but at the same wants the whole world. If they can have this surely they can have a little more, a little more perfect because they deserve it, don’t they?
> 
> They’ve earned it, haven’t they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> attn readers: 
> 
> thank you. i want to start with thank you because this fic has gotten an absolutely unimaginable amount of love from the first moment i posted it and i'm so thankful to everyone who has given it love and been so kind and sweet and thank you for being here. and being so lovely. 
> 
> warnings on this chapter are minimal. there is explicit depiction of mpreg in the following chapter so if you feel as though you are not comfortable with that or that might be triggering to you, please consider not reading further. again, these warnings are for the mental health and safety of my readers, please heed them. that is, however, the extent of the warning for this, quite short, chapter. 
> 
> please enjoy.

Signed over half of his tavern into Jung Jaehyun’s name and he’s still the one doing all the finance paperwork. Johnny can’t even believe it, pewter-colored, wire framed reading glasses sliding down his nose. He really thought he had put most of these problems behind him when he moved out here and yet here he was, straining his eyes under the light of an oil lamp well into the evening because he still has to figure out the budget for the damn next month. 

“Darling,” Renjun calls out and Johnny looks up. “You’re still down here. You should come to bed.” 

“I just-” Johnny loses all steam, letting out a deep sigh. He pulls his glasses off, setting them down on the top of his desk, lifting a hand to rub the bridge of his nose. He has to have been here for hours and he knows he should go to bed, he just also knows that if he doesn’t figure this budget out soon the tavern’s going to be a mess. 

He hears Renjun pad across the hardwood floor and then feels him climb into his lap. Johnny drops his hand, opens his eyes to see Renjun straddling his lap, arms wrapping around his neck. Johnny lets his hands find Renjun’s waist, exactly where they always end up. 

“Come to bed,” Renjun says and Johnny huffs a tired laugh. “You won’t be getting anything done if you’re so tired. You should rest and come back tomorrow with fresh eyes. I’m sure it’ll help.” 

“What would I do without you?” Johnny asks and Renjun leans forward to peck his lips. 

“Work yourself to death,” Renjun says. “C’mon, then, it’s bed time.” 

Before Renjun can move to climb off of him, however, Johnny straps a firm arm around Renjun’s middle and stands up with Renjun still in his arm. Renjun yelps in surprise, tightening his hold around his lover’s neck and wrapping his legs around Johnny’s waist. Johnny turns off the oil lamp and carries Renjun up to bed, Renjun looking both very exasperated and very fond of Johnny’s antics. 

Johnny lays Renjun out on the bed, despite the very late hour. Their lips find each other like second nature, Renjun’s hands sliding up into Johnny’s hair while Johnny cages Renjun against the bed. It takes only a moment before Johnny is straddling Renjun’s thighs, his hands sliding up Renjun’s shirt.

His hands hover near his stomach, cupping the swollen area of his lower stomach. It’s not significant enough to truly call it a baby bump but it’s there and Johnny can’t help himself. He slides his hands over it, touching with the softest kind of reverence, kissing Renjun with feather light pecks. 

It’s that moment that their moment of intimacy comes to a screeching halt by a rather strong screeching sound. 

“I’ve got it,” Renjun says and rolls out from underneath Johnny. Johnny gets ready for bed while Renjun is down the hall, softly singing and hushing the fussy baby. Johnny leaves the bedroom after he’s dressed and leans against the doorway of the nursery. 

Sometimes it all seems like something out of a dream, that he gets to stand in this beautiful estate way out where no one can bother than, no one can control them and tell them what they can and cannot do. It’s a freeing thing, that not two years before he was scared of losing Renjun forever and now… and now this. 

Renjun has a wonderful voice, so sweet and soothing and he watches as their son goes still in Renjun’s arms, thumb tucked into his mouth, eyes sliding shut. He’s the most lovely thing and Johnny comes in to see him, can’t get enough of him really, despite him being almost a year old already. He’s already become something of a mama’s boy, clinging to Renjun whenever he can. Johnny runs a hand over his head, kissing the crown of it before Renjun puts him back down in his crib. 

They leave the very, very quietly and very, very slowly lest they wake him. 

“I want more,” Johnny says once they’ve curled up in bed together and Renjun laughs, wrapping his arms around Johnny’s middle. He can’t help himself, his beautiful omega a steady warmth against his side, looking up at him with his big eyes and knowing little smile and he wants. Johnny sometimes feels as though he couldn’t ask for anything more but at the same wants the whole world. If they can have this surely they can have a little more, a little more perfect because they deserve it, don’t they?

They’ve earned it, haven’t they?

“Well then I have wonderful news for you,” Renjun says before looking rather pointedly at his already slightly protruding stomach. Johnny reaches down to run a hand over it, can feel Renjun looking at him as he does so. This isn’t the first time and if Renjun will let him it won’t be the last but it feels special every time. He doesn’t know that he will ever get over the way Renjun feels, warm and soft skin under his hand, darling little baby bump curving under his palm. 

“I want lots more,” Johnny says, finally lifting his eyes and Renjun giggles softly before resting his head on Johnny’s shoulder. Johnny steals a kiss from his lips, lifting his hand to cradle Renjun’s neck gently for a moment, only to pull away and snuff out the lamp. It douses the room in darkness but he can feel Renjun snuggle closer, warm breath against Johnny’s neck and when his eyes adjust, he can make out the shape of Renjun’s cheeks, his nose, the curve of his eyelids and long lashes. 

“Ask me about it in the morning,” he says, sighing tiredly. Johnny gives him a soft chuckle, pressing a kiss to Renjun’s forehead. “I love you, darling,” Renjun whispers into the dark and that’s all Johnny’s ever wanted to hear. 

At the end of the day, that’s all he needs. He may want for the whole world just so he can give it to Renjun, but as long as Renjun is the one in his bed, that he wakes up to and comes home to and gets to hold, that’s all he needs. 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to take this moment to thank everyone and also offer some commentary on this last chapter. 
> 
> it is an epilogue of sorts and i feel as though some of you were not expecting it but this is the end of the line for this story. when i wrote it, it felt like a natural conclusion of things for them, a happily ever after, if you will. one day i might revisit this universe but this truly feels like where johnny and renjun's story ends. i hope you have all enjoyed their beautiful if turbulent relationship and can walk away feeling satisfied. 
> 
> thank you to everyone who read this. this fic was something of a challenge for me and i love everything it's turned into and i'm so thankful to everyone who stopped by. who gave it love. who had kind words or kudos to give it. thank you so much and i hope to see you all again in the comments of my next piece as well.
> 
> thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/sofarsoperfect)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sofarsoperfect)


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